Should I be concerned?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2009
Should I be concerned?
Tue, 05-26-2009 - 5:37am
I have a 9 year old and 7 year old, both girls. My 7 year old has recently begun showing interest and curiosity in sexuality and relationships. I am a psychology major, so I am very aware that this is natural for the age. However, I received a call from a friend who stated that her 6 year old daughter was informed by my 7 year old daughter that boys have penises and girls have vaginas and periods. I told her that I had no doubt my child said that, since we discuss those issues openly in our family. My friend then went on to say that my daughter has been engaging in conversations that are "too heavy" for their age by telling her daughter that if she had a boyfriend she would lay beside him and kiss him. Should I be concerned by that? My friend seemed to think I should be. My daughter has no real knowledge of sex, other than reproductive organs, so I know that when she says those things, she is not specifically referring to sex. I also realize that it is a parents place to talk to their child about these issues, not other peers. I talked to my daughter and told her she is not to discuss those issue with friends, but how do I keep her from feeling ashamed to talk about sex and relationships?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2008
Tue, 05-26-2009 - 3:38pm
I think explaining to her that some parents aren't as open about it might help, that these discussions are nothing to be ashamed of, but might be best to limit it to talks with you.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 8:25pm

Actually, she may have a very good idea of the mechanics - but didn't get it from you, or even TV. I recall as a first grader when were supposed to have our heads down on desks after recess that kids told "jokes" about a child walking in on parents having sex and the punch line was something about "hot dog in a bun" or "mommy lost something in the cave and I am trying to find it with my flashlight." I can't imagine that the jokes have changed that much since 1973 except to be more explicit.

I would have a conversation about what is polite to talk about to other girls (and boys.) Like other said, what is appropriate to ask at home may not be best shared with other young friends. If young friends have questions, her job is to tell them they should talk to their parents. (Yes, that is a stretch at this age, but it can't hurt to let her know that is what you expect.) And again reinforce that she can always talk to you about anything, and would like for her to come to you first as well, rather than asking friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2001
Sun, 06-07-2009 - 3:07pm
Very hard one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2009
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 12:09pm

First I would call that Mom and apologize on the behalf of your Daughter and let your Daughter know that it is ok to talk about these things at home, but just to not talk about them with others because they may not feel comfortable. My Daughter knew at this age what we could talk about at home and what is not appropriate for outside the home. If kids ask she was told to say- Ask your Mom or Dad. It has worked so far. I mean you cannot control every little thing they say. Even though you have told her it may slip now and then. It just takes gentle reminders.