Should I say something...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Should I say something...
8
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 12:01am

to the teacher? Some boys at school are calling my dd "kissy girl" and have been for quite a while. I've told her tell them she doesn't like it and walk away. She has and they do it again the next day. For background, last year in fall '05 she was having some separation issues and we read the book "The Kissing Hand". I drew her some lips on a small piece of paper so she had a kiss from me when she needed it. Some boys saw it and started calling her "Kissy Girl". I gave her the same instructions last year hoping if they got little or no reaction it would go away. Then I hoped it would be forgotten over the summer. No such luck... It bothers her (not to the point of tears or anger but it bothers her enough to mention it to me) and I'm afraid of what people might think of her in the years to come if it doesn't stop. It doesn't exactly seem like they're being friendly or kidding with her, they're being just plain mean.

The teacher isn't usually out at recess with the kids but she might be able to pass the word on to one of the playground monitors. What do you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 12:55am

I don't know but I"m in the same position with my dd.. tongiht she told me if she plays w/ a certain friend (girl) during lunch recess, that some boys (she doesn't know who, but they're in the first grade) will come up and push her down to the ground. I had no idea.. She said she told the playground people (can't think what they are called, lol) and they told her to go play somewhere else, away from the boys. After a few times she stopped saying anything because they push her down once and then leave her alone. I'm *seriously* not happy about this.

I tried talking to dd tonight about it and saying to tell them very firmly to not touch her. She didn't want to talk about it. I"m just so surprised.. she is VERY verbal about what she likes and doesn't like here at home.. lol. A little too much. I hate seeing her so passive.. especially where she's being pushed and to the ground, at that!

So do I talk to her teacher? Do I talk to the principal? I don't know. I need a manual for "When your first child goes to school, this is how you handle things." My backyard overlooks the back of the school and I"m half tempted to stand out there w/ my video camera on zoom to watch my dd and then find the kid and give him some serious "mommy voice" talking to.

Also, my dd is now saying she doesn't have very many friends.. and if her 3 main friends don't want to play, she's by herself. :o( I just don't know if it's really that accurate of her saying htat.. if she does play w/ other kids but says she doesn't since she doesn't know them that well.. or if she stays alone.. breaks my heart. She's so outgoing.. this is so shocking to me.

Sorry to hi-jack your post.. I WANT HELP TOO! lol

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Avatar for me_n_my_gals
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 7:17am

Hey Ladies! I'm sorry that your dd's are being given trouble. Coincidentally, I am the playground monitor where my dds go to school. If there are children name calling, pushing others, etc., that is against the rules at our school. If someone came up to me and told me that she was being pushed, I find out who they were and they get to stand against the wall of the school for the rest of recess. That is a rule - everyone keeps their hands to themselves. There is no reason for that. I would never tell them to go play somewhere else. Also, as far as the name calling (BTW, I love the story The Kissing Hand - it is very, very sweet and I used it when my dd was in Kindy) that is not allowed at our school either. If her teacher isn't out there, then maybe they need to be informed so that the lunch playground monitor is aware and can watch for any sort of teasing, etc. If there is, the monitor can then approach the boys. This way, it doesn't look like she is tattling, just that they got caught, KWIM? I would definitely inform both teachers, and let them handle it - there is no reason for that sort of behavior. Not that long ago, I had 8 boys standing at recess holding up the school building. I pretty much patrol the whole playground - do the monitors just stand in one spot? Is there more than one and they stand around and socialize? Maybe there is not enough control and the kids know it and take advantage of it? I am alone (their school is small - 120 kids total) and they pay me - if I were a volunteer, I don't know that I would spend as much time patrolling as I do. KWIM?

I hope you get things worked out - your kids should feel o.k. about playing outside at recess - not worried that they will be teased or pushed down. Bullies should be punished.

Good Luck!
Wendy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 1:09pm

I completely agree. Kids should not have to endure on-going bullying and certainly not anything physical from their peers. And I think that at this age it is appropriate for the parents to step in and help.

I probably would not talk to the principal about it. But I probably would talk to the playground monitor, probably with my daughter, and explain the problem. I would think that this would both show the monitor that the situation is serious enough to warrant parental intervention and also model for your daughter how to explain a problem to a grown-up. I might broach it to the monitor in a pleasant, but concerned manner, saying something to the effect of, "I wanted to come talk to you today because my daughter has been reporting to me that she is continually teased/pushed/whatever by the same group of children. I know that kind of behavior isn't tolerated at this school and I wondered what you could do help us stop this from happening."

Good luck,

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Wed, 10-11-2006 - 2:40pm

I totally agree with the previous post. Kids should not have to endure bullying (especially at this age) and parents should step in.

If your school does not have enough playground monitors, or is somehow not stepping up to the plate, you might consider volunteering to be a playground monitor for a few months.

As a regular (4 hours per week) volunteer at my DDs co-op, I find it tremendously valuable to see what's really going on. Are there troublesome kids that are out of control? Or is my DD making a mountain out of a mole hill? Does she encourage them, or is she truly a victim? Are these kids tormenting a lot of kids, or only mine?

Especially if there is not adequate supervision, sometimes simply the presence of an extra adult will mitigate the bullying. If you go this route, it would be worth posting for some suggestions on working with groups of kids. There are definitely skills to keeping their respect.

Hang in there and fight for your daughter. She needs to know she's worth it, you're behind her, and bullying is not OK. She will learn life lessons at school, as well as academics. One of the lessons should NOT be that its OK to beat her up.

Avatar for lwitek01
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 1:52pm

For both posters - I would definitly tell your DD teacher. I just had a conference with my girls' teacher and debated back and forth about telling her some things that were happening to one of my girls. But the protective momma in me made me speak up and I am glad I did.

I explained the things that were happening with Ashley and she was very thankful for the knowledge. These same girls bossing and being mean to Ashley were doing it to other girls but no one was speaking up and the teacher was just now getting wind of it. She started having talks to the whole class about caring and sharing, general how to talk to friends, that kind of thing - to not point out the bad girls or the ones who might have told. She also asked me to speak up if anything else happened, to tell Ashley not to tell her but to tell me unless it was physical so that the other girls didn't see Ashley "tattling" and make things worse. We talked about strategies to help Ashley talk to these girls or walk away and how to handle things at school and what to tell me or her teacher.

It seems to be working as for two days now - no big incidents with those catty girls. I still can't believe that this starts sooooo young! 1 of the girls was in K with them (they are now in 2nd) and she use to tease all the other girls about not have the right clothes or hair - my goodness they are FIVE! Now they are the girls who say - you can sit by us but DON"T TALK TO US! Huh - at 7 they can be se mean. Ugh I really try to get Ash to walk away and find some of her nice friends. (Ash just wants everyone to like her)

Hugs on these situations - it is tough being a mom

Laura

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 2:20pm
I have a meeting set up with her teacher on Monday after school. Should dd sit in? If not, what does she do while I'm talking to her teacher?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 10-15-2006 - 9:28pm

I would have her there. SHe can really explain how she feels and why it is so annoying. Just make sure to discuss it with her before the actual meeting and let her know that anything she says, you will be right there to be on her side.


Let us know how things go. I'm sorry she is getting teased. I hope t his is the end of it. HUGS to you both!

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Avatar for lwitek01
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 10:23pm

Sorry hope the meeting went well - I didn't have the girls sit in. I wanted to talk openly and honestly and not in front of them. My dh had the girls - but if I ever need to meet with the teacher the girls are allowed to sit in the library for a short bit if needed (and my sis is a K teacher there and they go play in her room so that is a life saver LOL)

How did the meeting go? Is it getting better?

Laura

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