Temper tantrums?

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Temper tantrums?
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Tue, 09-26-2006 - 8:05pm

My dd just turned 7 in August. She still throws temper tantrums - HUGE ones! They are few and far between, but when she does it, it is truly a doozy. Tonight it got really ugly, all because I sat down to do flash cards with her and she didn't want to. She was giving me some major sass, so I said lets go to your room - time to calm down and find your nice attitude. I ended up carrying her in there, kicking and screaming (older dd was trying peacefully to do homework). She threw the whole deck of flashcards all over her room. So, I asked her to put on her pajamas (the rule in my house is once your pjs are on, you better straighten up, because your next stop is bed - weather you've had dinner or not!). This turned into a huge battle - she started telling me no, and tried to hit me. So I proceeded to help her - she didn't like that either. She even told me if I took her pants off her, she would pull mine down and how would I like it? OMG, after that I looked at her and calmly told her that next time I saw her, she'd better have her pajamas on and be wearing her smile face. Needless to say, she finally got it out of her system, but sheesh - they were just flashcards, ya know? Her consequence for the whole thing is going to bed early, and no snacks the rest of the night. She came out and did her flashcards without a hitch when she was done, but OMG - do any of you deal with this? It can truly be ugly. People are surprised to hear that she can do that. She is normally such a calm, sweet child. Nobody believes me. I'm just frightened about the teen years, lol. Just wondering if I'm alone, or if anyone can sympathize.

Thanks.
Wendy
SAHM to Katie (9 1/2) and Molly (7)

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Registered: 08-31-2004
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 8:54pm

Ouch - sorry! :)

Do her tantrums happen over the same issue - homework? Or at the same time each day? Can you figure out what the common trigger is, if there is one? Could she be hungry? Sometimes a little protein in the form of a cube of cheese can do wonders for the attitude.

Last year my son had some attitude problems in doing his homework. I finally told him that he was going to have to decide whether he would be a good student or a bad student and that as far as I was concerned, he didn't have to do his homework ever again. However, if he chose not to do his homework, then I would have to send a note to his teacher explaining that not doing homework was HIS decision. I said, "I don't want your teacher to think you have a bad mother who won't give you the time to get it done." My son said, "Oh no Mom! Don't send that note - my teacher will make me stay in at recess to finish my homework if you do that." My response? "Oh is THAT how she handles little kids who don't do their work? How clever of her!" So that helped motivate him to just do the work. It didn't stop him from complaining and whining and fidgeting and taking three times longer than necessary to get it done, though.

Eventually, I decided that since homework wasn't supposed to take longer than thirty minutes, I would set a timer for thirty minutes and that is how long I would sit with him to help him study spelling or finish up his worksheets. If he applied himself then that should have been plenty of time. If he wasted time by screwing around, then he was on his own after the timer went off, because I have other things to do, like starting dinner.

Both of these methods really put the monkey back where it belonged - on his shoulders, and not mine. They seemed to have worked out pretty well. He isn't having any trouble at all this year and is being very responsible about getting his own homework done.

Don't know if this helps you out at all. I just think that at some point, the kids have to realize that they are in charge of what kind of student they will be. At this point, if my son gave me sass or attitude while I was trying to help him with his homework, my response would be to stop helping him and allow him to have a bad day at school as a consequence.

Take care,

Susan

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 1:35pm

They occur in my house sometimes too. I notice when the kids are tired or hungry that it is the worst. It lessens their ability to control themselves.


I also notice that Tre is such an "in control" kid that when he looses it, its like a bomb just went off.

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 7:27am

Thank you for your input, girls. It is really great that you took the time to share what you know/experienced with this. My older dd NEVER (and I mean that) threw a tantrum, so when Molly pitched her first one in a restaurant at the age of 15 mos. dh and I knew we were in trouble, LOL! Anyhow, yesterday after Molly got off the bus, she came inside with dh and I ran my friend's little boy home. By the time I got back, she had all her homework out, including the flash cards and asked me to help her with them as soon as she was done with her writing. OMG! DH claims he did not prompt this - she did it on her own. I was very proud of her, and told her that. Let's hope we've turned a corner here. Thanks again!! I will keep all those tricks and ideas in mind, for the next tantrum (there are sure to be more).

Wendy

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-02-2006 - 3:23pm
You're very welcome, Wendy! Let us know how things go, and what kinds of cool things happen to you during the year! =)

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