Update on my 7-year-old neighbor

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Update on my 7-year-old neighbor
10
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 3:44pm

Ladies,

I wish I had good news to share but I don't.

I told the teacher & I also told the girl's mom. Not sure what Mrs. V. did during school, but the girl's mom did absolutely nothing! Sure, when I told her what Mandy said she was surprised & said she'd talk to her, but nothing's changed...

Yesterday, all the kids were out playing with their new Christmas gifts (3 got bikes, one got a skateboard & Sherina got roller skates). Mandy lost a bike race 3 times in a row & proceeded to throw herself on the ground & scream, the whole time saying, "I hate myself! I hate my life! I wish I would die!" The mom heard all of this but did nothing to assure her daughter of her life's worthiness. All she said was, "If you're gonna get mad, there's your house (pointed @ their house)...go home." My neighbor, Sheri, & I couldn't believe it. I asked her what more I could do to help & even she was at a loss. (Two years ago, when this family moved here from VA, it was rumored that the kids had already been taken from their parents but of course there's no way to confirm this. I do know that their father is involved with drugs 'cuase he was arrested in front of all the kids last year.)

I wish there were something more I could do, but with no other facts to go on I feel as if I've hit a wall. I just pray that those kids get help soon 'cause they need it desperately. I never thought I'd ever know a child who grew up not knowing what it means to be loved...

Adrianne

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Registered: 05-15-2003
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 3:54pm
I know it is really a hard thing to do, but you really need to talk with someone with child protective services in your area. These people possible did leave VA to avoid checks and balances with their parenting and the children's well-being. You would be devastated if something happened to this child and you had not done more to get help or at least have someone investigate the situation.
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Registered: 08-31-2004
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 4:10pm

And you said you talked to her teacher, right? Well, I am sure that the teacher won't tell you what they are doing for confidentiality purposes, but they are required by law to report suspicious behavior and bruises. The teacher may be doing more then you know about.

I think it is wonderful that you care enough to try to help. That poor girl. Of course her behavior could just be histronics. It is hard to know how involved to get.

Take care - I am thinking of you.

Susan

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 5:01pm

I'm not trying to guilt you, well, maybe I am...

One of my biggest regrets in life is not speaking up about something when I knew something was terribly wrong. Years ago I assumed my neighbors noticed that there was something wrong with their baby, that they surely would be doing something about it and it was none of my business, so I said nothing. Well, their baby got very sick and died because they didn't seek treatment until it was too late. That breaks my heart whenever I think of it because I always think that if I had taken that extra step and said something out loud he would have received treament earlier and lived.

Soooo, I really think you need to go directly to child protective services and MAKE SURE they open an investigation in to these parents. Then you can say you absolutely did everything you could to help this little girl.

Lynn

Lynn
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 7:35am
I think it is very brave of you to speak to her Mom and to the teacher. Maybe give it a bit of time to see if the teacher is going to do anything before you take more action? It is a very difficult situation you are in. I am not there and do not know what is going on, and there are many possibilities on why this girl ic acting like this. It is possible that something is going on with the girl and that maybe even her parents are aware of it and maybe dealing with it, but not too succesfully? I would like to think that the Dad in the familly is trying to clean up his act and that mabye they are seeing a professional for their child's issues, but that is kind of the best case scenario?
You are a doing the right thing.
Ana
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 5:07pm

Hi just found this board and when I saw this I had to write.

I had a son, well I still have him but he doesn't do it anymore, who did this. From the time he was 7 til he was about 9. And we never figured out why he did this. I have my theories but that's about it.

He'd hit himself, he'd say I hate myself, he'd say no one loved him. He finally got out of it, but now his younger brother is doing the same thing. Thankfully not as often as he did before, but it's still there.

I highly suspect he's doing it because his brother does it.

Now as to my theories. Around this time we were going through a divorce, I moved out and didn't see my kids often. Then when my life got settled I was supposed to get the kids back but X decided, with the help of sm, to keep the kids. Major long story in a nutshell of the early days.

Major things were going on in his life, this was his way of acting out. and since he got a reaction from us it served his purpose.

I too would tell him many times if he didn't behave he could just remove himself from our presense. Go up to his room, go into another room, but change the situation.

Maybe that's what's going on with the neighbor and the mom. Mom's seen it so many times that she no longer reacts to it but since this is a recent thing for you to see of course it's going to freak you out.

As far as the daughter, maybe something's going on in her life. Maybe the move affected her more then she's letting on. May not be the issue cause I can't remember when you said they moved. Any number of things could be going on for her to act this way.

Do they have older kids that did this, and now she's following in their footsteps?

I'm not saying you are wrong to be concerned. And since I don't know everything about the situation I can't even say this *is* the case, but I wanted to tell you that kids do do this, at least mine did/do and no one's beating them. But they, actually I put it on the older because the younger was just following the example, was going through a stressful situation and this was his way of dealing with it.

Hope this shows the other side just a bit.

Avatar for sesamemom98
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 11:11am

One last update:

Yesterday Mandy told all the girls to stay away from Sherina during recess. I don't know how much of this Sherina understood because she wouldn't talk about it last night. Mrs. V. called my DH to tell him about it (I called her later to discuss). She inadvertently told me that they have counselors working with Mandy @ school on her issues but that there was nothing else she could do. I gave her my new cell phone number so that she could contact me directly & thanked her.

Now, after discussing this as a family, we have decided that Mandy's home life is just too unstable for her to remain Sherina's playmate. I watched Mandy's father cuss @ some African-American teenagers who were visiting the house next to his & his true colors were a humongous red flag. I am light-skinned enough that most Mississippians assume I'm white, but I'm not (which is why the guy is cordial to my face). But knowing this I'm cutting off all contact because there was no such problem on this street before this family moved in 2 years ago & there are 3 other AA families on my street. We do not need any racial discord here--Miss. has enough of a bad national image!

Now that I have my driver's license (got it a week before Christmas Eve) I'm going to start taking Sherina to the park whenever the nice neighbors are unavailable for play. I wish there could've been a happier ending to these events, but I have to protect my daughter until she can protect herself.

Adrianne

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 2:22pm
Adrianne,
I am sorry to hear that your helping a little kid has now caused your DD discomfor at school and even in her neighbourhood. I think you are right to step away from it all. You do not need to expose your family and yourself to people who don't respect others and who are so ignorant.
I can only say that you should be proud of yourself for trying to do the right thing, and the last thing you need is to be insulted by a drug abuser!
It just really makes me mad to hear about racism in this day and age, but unfortunately it is still a very big problem all around the world.
Many hugs to you and your DD.
Ana
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 6:35pm
There you go! Take her to other places. I have to do that with Tre, sadly enough, but if I want him to have "other" friends, I have to do it. I'm glad you're working it out. I'm sorry it has to be so painfully necessary. HUGS!

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Avatar for sesamemom98
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 7:00pm

Hey, Janet!

I knew I had to do *something* so I overcame my fear of driving & got my license back on 12/17. Now, since DH is still working 12-hour days 7 days a week, I can do SO much! Earlier this week I was able to take Sherina to the local MLK Day parade, then to her dentist app't. the next day, & on Wed. I spent some time with my best friend @ her house. My world has opened up so much!

And now, for some news: We've been TTC now for about a month to 6 weeks & I might be pregnant! I have only told DH that AF is late; I'm waiting until Wed. to test one way or the other. After Katrina we decided that if we wait any longer we might not be able to have any more kids, so we went for it!

Sorry I've been MIA but, as you can see, there's a lot going on! I'll keep in touch!

Adrianne

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 8:16pm
That's GREAT news!!!!!! Be sure to tell us the results!!! I'm so excited for you!!!

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