Very sad 7yo - what to do? (long)
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|Tue, 10-11-2005 - 10:03pm|
My DD is an outgoing, happy first-born child. She goes to a small Christian school with 2 second grade classes of about 15 kids each. She always has stories from school - all fun and games, etc.
Now and again, she tells me she doesn't have any good friends at school. She will spend time crying and whimpering and telling me about how the kids don't play with her at recess, don't include her in their games, don't join her "club" she's trying to have - things like that. The one that's got her upset tonight is basketball - no one will pass to her eventhough (she says) she's a good dribbler, and it's a team sport and everyone is supposed to be included, etc., etc.
Last year, when I talked to the teacher about it, she was really surprised because my DD is always playing with someone somewhere. I have no reason to doubt anything this teacher said, and she followed up with it, too, as the year went by. She has playdates with friends, usually once a week, sometimes twice.
I don't doubt that she is having these feelings, but my gut tells me two things. One, my DD likes to be in charge, and if she isn't, I think she feels like no one wants to play with her. When, in reality, maybe it's just that no one wants to play that particular thing she suggested. The second thing is that she is very tender hearted. I tried to explain to her that, in sports especially, kids just yell at each other. They don't talk sweet and kind, and that if she wants to play in sports, she needs to toughen up.
What can I do for her? Of course, I will breach this with her teacher this year. I feel that she's too young to just muddle through this by herself. Some of the kids she has 'troubles' with I've gotten to know, and, frankly, they have pretty bossy attitudes - many of them are first born kids, which is who she has the most troubles with. It just seems that they all want to be the boss! I would imagine that the same could be said of my DD. Believe me, I know she is not the angel she's making herself out to be! She is VERY bossy and is pretty much only truly happy when she's calling ALL the shots.
So, to any of you veteran moms who have BTDT, what am I to do? This is the second year with the same issues. If she didn't have any friends, she wouldn't have playdates, would she? If the kids didn't like her, why invite her over to their house? How can I help her to not feel this way? I don't want to brush it aside, but I don't want her to dwell on it? I've mentioned it to some of the moms and they've casually brought it up to their kids to see what they'd say. None of them said anything to support my DD's claim - I feel that she just takes things so much to heart that she's got to let it go. I don't know how to help her do that.
I'm at a loss. You know how it feels when your child is hurting - just awful!! And no matter what logic I used to make it positive, she countered it with something negative. I think she wanted to cry tonight, and no matter what I said, it wasn't going to help. Is it 'normal' for a 2nd grader to be so emotional? I remember 'wanting to cry' when I was in 5th, 6th grades and jr. high and high school - maybe I did in grade school, too, but just don't remember.
I'm counting on you, ladies! Give me some guidance here.
Thanks, in advance, for sharing your thoughts and ideas.