what am I doing wrong?

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Registered: 01-13-2004
what am I doing wrong?
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Thu, 10-20-2005 - 10:51am

discussion title: What am I doing wrong?
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message #: 8204.1
from: momkaren1999
date: 9:01 am
replies: 1
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I have two sons that are ages 6&4. My six year old has been always been more clingy and picky than his brother but now it has gone overboard and I fell like I have done something to create this monster. At age three he decided he no longer wanted to wear jeans or pants with buttons, so we started buying track pants, elastic waits pants etc..
This year I have bought 3 different pairs of pants from three different stores and none of them have been acceptable. They were to long or just didn't "feel right". He is also this way with socks. His socks must be thin and short or he will not wear them. We signed him up for soccer early fall and he decided at the last minute that he was not going to play. I have now signed him up for Cub Scouts , as per his request, and he is attempting to back out of it. He is a very bright child and is at the top of first grade in both reading and math. He left Kindergarten reading on a 2nd grade level. I feel like I have done something to create this monster and I am literally at my wits end with him.

Did I mention the whining is driving me up a wall also?

Any advice would be appreciated :)

Thanks,
Karen


Avatar for imomtojd
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 5:47pm
Have you checked into sensory issues? This sounds just like my friends son - the pants, the socks. He probably can't help it and I can understand it drives you up a wall. I'd definately start with his ped. who can give you a referral if needed. My friend finds clothing that's acceptable (returns often) and then buys several colors of the same piece of clothing. Good luck and I hope this helps some. Lisa
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Registered: 02-02-2004
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 5:57pm

your ds sound just like my nephew( now 9yrs old,only child too)...

some kids just don't like the way certain things feel, my ds(7yrs) will wear anything, hand him his clothes and he gets dressed... dd(5yrs)on the other hand, can't stand sport socks, she likes the low crew cut style socks,will not wear tank tops,she can pick out her own clothes, but I have finally say...:)
As adults we are that way too, I only like jeans that are stretchy(don't "shrink"..lol) DH will only use crest toothpaste, the dog will only eat pedigree food...

if your ds has no sensory issues,or O.C.D. problems, and is just being unresonable picky... stop it now, my sil, has a terrible time with my nephew,

He decided when he was about 6 that he only needed to take a shower/bath once a week... his mom gave in, now the kid is 9, he tells his parents what,when, and how to do things, he will wear the same clothes for a week. They came for christmas last year, dh told HIS sister to give her kid a bath, or he would, "sonny" hadn't showered in 7 days, and was smelling nasty. He needed to take some medicine, it took sil over an hour to convince him to take it....
he too will only wear pull on type pants, his mom line-dry some jeans(3years ago), and he didn't like the way they felt, and that was the end of wearing jeans. he usually only wears sweats, last summer,he refused to wear shorts or t-shirts... so when he almost passed out from heat(90degrees),of course it was him mom's fault... and he made sure that she felt guilty all day...Now she and her couch patotoe hubby created this monster, and now they need some serious therapy, this kid as never know boundaries, and sil never wants to be the "bad" guy, or make her son angry or upset... can you say very spoiled brat...

Pick your battles, be the parent not the friend.

good luck...

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Registered: 06-20-2000
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 6:01am

that was my first thought too - sensory issues.

As for the backing out of things, what if you let him have no activities for a while, but DO sign up your younger one for stuff & have the older sib just sit there & watch? Maybe he'll decide he'd rather participate than sit there & then when you sign him up he'll stick with it? The boys are close enough in age you may be able to sign them up for the same class, even... first the younger one, than the older one when he realizes he's got to be there anyway...?

Avatar for cdollar
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-21-2005 - 4:21pm

Reposted from the other thread =

Maybe he has sensory issues that make him so picky about his clothes? For some kids, a tag or a texture could just make them nuts.

Maybe he has some anxiety about the activities? How does he deal with making friends at school? Maybe he is nervous about the activities? Could he talk to a friend or classmate who is already involved in soccer/scouts and find out what they do there? Could he go and OBSERVE but not PARTICIPATE the first time? Could he talk to the coach/scout leader ahead of time so he'll know the adult in charge?

Carissa
~ momma to bookworm Keithen (2/1/99), artist 

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 1:44pm

Your son sounds like a child who likes to LIVE! How wonderful!

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Registered: 02-11-2005
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 12:06pm

Ok you did not create a monster.

Janessa Mom to 4 girls Samantha (10.7), Jordan, Regan<

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Registered: 07-18-2005
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 12:05pm

Lurker here, just popping in to add my 2cents!

I agree on the sensory issue - my ds=9 has had much of the same issues. Most kids do eventually start to outgrow it - my ds now has a much easier time with it. I was like that as a child, and always thought I was just a bad kid or something, from the way my mom treated me about it...

One thought that crossed my mind with the activities - both soccer and scouts require a certain type of clothing. When my ds played soccer for the first time, we had WW3 trying to get him to wear the shin guards, shoes, etc. The same has happened with the scout shirt, which has a collar. He wanted to play soccer so badly, but the clothing issue was bad enough to make him not want to play afterall. He now plays and wears the gear just fine.

I would take him to your Dr for an eval/referral, and also maybe look into him having some emotional issues with new situations, as a pp mentioned.

Good luck! Our boys sound like the same kid - same issues, both gifted in school. I would venture a guess that he isn't doing this to be difficult. HTH!



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Registered: 10-09-2005
Sat, 11-05-2005 - 10:38pm

This is just what I was thinking. A bright spirited kid with sensory issues, very common. With the right kind of help both you and your son will be much much happier.

Dana