What Would You Do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2007
What Would You Do?
8
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 11:30pm

The other day I was shopping for some underwear(panties) for my daughter who is twelve years of age. I had my son with me who is six years of age. I had picked out six pairs of girls nylon briefs, and was about to go pay for them, when my son turned to me and said, "Mommie I want some underwear like you bought Janice. I told him they were for girls, but he insisted on having me buy him the same. I tried to talk to him, but there were other women near-by and I didn't want to create a scene. I bought him three pairs, and when we returned home he insisted on going upstairs and changing his underwear. He came back down happy as a lark, pulling his outer shorts legs out and showing me his new undies. I'm not sure what this is all about, or if I should have handled it differently. I'm a single mother and could use some advice.

A.G.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 2:17am

Hmm.. I dont' know what I would have done. lol

Have you tried asking him what it is he likes about the undies? Is it the texture? The color? The shape? Just that it's new?

Maybe you can try looking online w/ him at different boys underwear.. maybe you can entice him with cool characters.. or maybe he wants to try boxers or something. KWIM?

I think the big concern to me would be if he wanted to wear them to school and then he showed his friends.. just how they would react to it.

Keep us posted on how it goes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2007
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 10:28am

Hello!

My thoughts are with you. We are always worried over every little thing with our kids hoping we don't screw them up too badly.

My take on your story was that he was just trying to be like his sister. Have you had the "talk" about boys and girls being different? If so maybe you could tell him that boys and girls wear different underwear because they have different body parts.

Anyways - let us know what happens!

Kelly
Mom of Hallie(7) and Robin(3mos)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2007
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 1:31pm

Hi Kelly and Becky!!
Thanks so much for your reply's. I've tried some of your suggestions, but nothing seems to sink through to him about the difference in girl's and boy's underwear, or why he should be wearing his boy things. I asked him why he liked them, what was so special about those compared to his own, all he said was, "I just like them, and now I'm the same as Janice." I said, but James, Janice is a girl, your a boy, boy's wear boy's underwear. "I don't care, I want to wear my new things." So, right now I'm at a lose to know what to do. Along with that, only buying the three pairs for him, I'm faced with a clean underwear problem now. Do I buy him more, do I use some form of punishment on him, no, I can't do that, he really hasn't done anything wrong, at least in his eyes. I have solved the problem with his going to school by telling him, until we can get to the mall again, he'll have to wear his boy underwear to school, so I can keep his new things clean. He's okay with that, but as soon as he comes home, he's up in his bedroom changing, and that has me a little worried. Why is this so important to him, for him to change underwear so quickly? Anyway, that's how it's been going. Who said boys were easier to raise then girls!!?? HA!

Allison, Mother to Janice 12yrs of age and James 7yrs old next month!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 3:35pm
I've been dealing w/a similar thing. My 6 yo tells me he wants to be a girl. I, like you, have asked him why. He isn't very articulate about it. I've decided to relax about it.
I'm no psychologist, but I think he's responding to a female household. My son wanted everything I had until my husband and I married a year ago. He's slowly transitioning to boy stuff but wanting girl things may be his way of holding on to and identifying w/mommy.
Just a thought,
mari


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 1:47pm
hello! i dont think you did anything wrong. kids just want to be like their role models...he didnt want to be left out and he wanted to be like his sister. i would let him wear them at home-maybe at night time-they could be his special night time undies. i still dont think you did anything wrong-its like my niece wanting a bra last fall-she was 3-she definitely did NOT need it, but she wanted to be like her mom...he just wants to be like his sister...take care!!
joanne
maman2goons@yahoo.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2007
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 7:33pm

Hello Mari:
I think you might be right. Like your son, James has been brought up in a feminine family. The three of us do spend a lot of time together. I have tried to replace some of the things, activities, that I thought a male would have provided for him. I know I can never be a father figure. For now, I'm just going to go along with him and hope this will pass in time. Thanks for your thoughts.

Allison

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 2:12pm
I think as much as it may appear to be worrisome to

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2007
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 8:29pm

Maybe he just wanted to be a part of the group. It's just you (girl), your daughter (girl), and him (boy). Maybe he felt he was being left out because he's not a girl. My 6 yr old daughter used to ware boy undies. She hates Disney princesses, Bratz girls, and all that. She likes Buzz Lightyear, Spongebob, Spiderman, etc...They only put those characters on boys undies. She grew out of the boy undie thing within about 6 months. She likes girl undies now because they are "silky"-you got to admit, girl undies are made with softer fabric. However, she will still not were Princess ones. She loves dresses,hates babydolls. Loves make-up, but hates barbies. Every kid is different. I wouldn't worry. You and your daughter are his world-I think he is just trying to identify with you two. I think it's sweet.

Good Luck,

Kari

-Creator of the "KID in CAR" safety bumper sticker. www.nongnoy.com