whining, not listening, no motivation...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2008
whining, not listening, no motivation...
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 7:59am

My older son is a somewhat reserved child, was always able to zone out (by sucking his thumb, which he still does at home so thoughts there are welcome too), cautious, quietly affectionate. He has a younger (by 2 yrs), wilder brother, who he adores. They play together and DS #1 will often let DS#2 try something first to determine the risk involved or if he wants to do something that might be a tad risky, or get him in trouble, he will see if he can get DS #2 to do it for him... so he basically is aware of their differences and knows how to use it to his advantage...

DS #1 will be 6 next week. He is in grade one. He went to a full day summer camp this summer, so the transition to full days at school has been easy (prior to that he was in a homebased daycare since infancy where his brother also goes. he was there half-days Sept-June last year when he was in kindergarten). He is taking the bus for the first time this year. Always wanted to, loves it, with the occasional moment of hesitation at the moment where he gets on..

So that is the high-level back ground, this is my situation:
- I always thought he would grow out of whining - I have always discouraged it, re-directed, insisted on normal voice, etc.... but if anything it is getting worse... thoughts or suggestions
- he will not do anything in the AM! He never liked to, he doesn't like to have to do something on someone else's time.. (even on the weekend, if he wants to go out and I say he has to get dressed first, he will say, oh-I'll -stay-in-then)... I give us plenty of time for dilly-dallying and a long breakfast, etc.... have tried having him race the timer, or a reward of ten minutes TV\books\playtime if he is ready early enough before getting the bus (it stops at our front door)... to no avail. He is distracted, plays with toys when he should brush his teeth, doesn't move... even when I stress the importance... how do I motivate him
- listening in general, he lacks focus at home and school. When you ask him to do something it is like he didn't hear you, yet if I have a conversation with his dad in the next room he hears it all.... school did a learning assessment of 9 keys areas last year - he was above average in 6, average in 2 and below in digital memory (number sequences, steps... we are working on this with school) - so basically, I know it is nothing serious, just personality - thoughts on what to do or how to cope or how to encourage...
- homework time- teacher only insists on 15 minutes - 5 min each for reading, sounds, and journal writing. It is a review of what they did in school...DS#1 can be pleasant, lively and loving 1 min before and 2 seconds after, but during, his head is on the table, he won't read the words, doesn't want to do anything, just total lack of motivation\co-operation.... thoughts (he will read to me from his own books later and on the weekends, i think it goes back to not wanting to do something he didn't come up with himself...we do homework after he has had a chance to settle in, play for 1\2 hr, etc... he and I are home for an hour before husband and brother, so like to get it out of way before they get home so that he can play with his brother and relax rest of evening....)

Sorry if this seems rushed (it is!)... any thoughts MUCH appreciated..... thanks!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2008
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 8:38pm

He sounds like a really smart, stubborn boy, who only wants it on his terms!!