Any advice for a mom with a ds that just turned 12?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2012
Any advice for a mom with a ds that just turned 12?
10
Tue, 04-24-2012 - 2:37pm

I am new to this board and to being a mom of an almost teen boy. Does anyone have any advice on how to make this transition easier for both of us?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2012
Thank you so much Theresa. That makes me feel a lot better. We do a lot of those things together so I guess are doing some things right. LOL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005

Hi and welcome! I have a son who turned 12 this month (6th grade) and there have definitely been changes, but he's pretty easy going, so attitude isn't really an issue. He's also very quiet, and not particularly into sports (just karate) so he's not the type to sit and discuss the big game or anything. For me, the best time to connect with him is one-on-one in the car, cleaning the kitchen together (really!), taking a walk... He's fairly quiet, but he tends to open up when it's just the two of us. I think my dh connects with him more by doing - showing him something on the computer, playing a game of chess, helping him with homework, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2012
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 12:11pm
Yes, we do have 2 girls as well. They are all like 3-4 yrs between each. he is very close to my middle one. They went through a lot of the bad stuff with their dad together. My youngest is with my current hubby. We do try to do lots of movies and game nights. I think that has been helping him a lot. I know we need to let him and his step dad go and do guy things together. We just have to make time to let them do it. Thank you so much for the tips and advice. I am working on trying to stay consistent for sure! LOL, Ugh I hate the teen years and just am not looking forward to it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2012
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 12:07pm
Thank you so much! We will try to do more of that. =)
Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 11:28am
Ahh, I understand. While its my older daughter and my husband here so its slightly different, I do understand the step/blended family relationship so I do understand what you are going through. What have you found so far that they do enjoy doing? even if its something small like going to movies, or even family game night where you are altogether as a family, anything is better than nothing when it comes to bonding. Are there any other siblings? Sometimes when there is another sibling involved its put the other one at ease to open up a bit depending on the age difference. The trust issue, unfortunately, will most likely be on ongoing thing that needs to be worked through. My DH had a rough childhood as his mother left and his father raised him and his half brother and he still has trust issues we need to work through quiet regularly.

As for the attitude, that's going to happen regardless. Just be consistent with your reaction and any punishment you have chosen to use. Just like during the toddler years, kids entering their tween/teenage years will test their limits and see what your responses will be, consistency is the tool.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 11:19am
Taking a look at your son's interests may give you a starting point. My ds is far from the typical male. Not really into sports as a spectator and participates in competitive swimming. He and my father have bonded over finance and sailing. He is also very interested in politics. Find your son's "key" and that may lead you to a way to open the lock. Good luck, we're here for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2012
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 11:04am
Thank you so very much! I am so excited to be able to connect with others going through similar things!! I am loving the boards and the site in general! =)

We are going to try and get my hubby and son to do some one on one time more often for sure. I have had a few encounters with him on him being dishonest to me and thinking he can get an attitude and all. =/ Not fun! LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2012
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 11:01am
Thank you so much!!

No, I am married but it is his step dad and they do get along pretty good. They have had their ups and downs but my son has been through so much with his real dad that he has a very hard time trusting men in general. He has several in his life on a regular basis but he always has his guard up with them. He doesn't enjoy the regular "manly" activities either so that makes it hard for him to relate to other males as well. My husband does do other things with him so that they do spend time together and tries really hard to connect with him but I think the damage from his real father has done a lot of damage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Tue, 04-24-2012 - 10:28pm
Welcome to the board! I applaud your efforts for your son. I have a 15 yo ds and an almost 12 yo dd. Tracy gave you some great advice. Take a look at activities he's involved in as well as the men you interact with and see if there is someone he might click with. Coach, church member or leader, music director/instructor, scout leader, family friend,co worker, neighbor. The more he interacts with men, the easier it will probably get.

Changes in attitude and relationships are part of life at this age. Make sure you have a support system (this board is a wonderful place for that though a real life counter part is invaluable) for YOU as your family moves through these roller coaster years.

Can't wait to get to know you better!
Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Welcome to the board!! There are a few others with boys around this age and I am sure they will pop in with some advice for you soon. I don't want to assume you are a single parent, but it did sound inferred from your post. Does he have any male role models in his life at all, an uncle, grandparent or anyone that he can go to, or do stuff with on occasion, or even a male teacher, counselor, or coach at school? Is he involved in extra curriculars?
Photobucket