Was this really a bad move?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-1999
Was this really a bad move?
13
Sun, 06-15-2008 - 11:29am

Recently, I mortified a friend. DD has

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2007
Sun, 06-15-2008 - 11:49am
I don't think so.Especially on the backpack issue.You are willing to spend X amt,if she wants something over that there is nothing wrong with her paying for it.I told Gabby the same thing about a cell phone.Since she is 12 and she does need one we are willing to get her one.However she wants a camera phone,she really does not need this,so I told her if she wans the camera phone she can add the extra money on to the phone we are willing to buy her.She can still text on the phone we will get her and she can call whoever.I just don't see why she has to have a camera phone.As for the clothing once I gave i to Gab I probably would not take it back,but like you said you explained it to your dd and she understood.Plus from what you say she has a decent amt of money of her own.Gabby has some,but probably not like your dd,so when i comes to most clothing items we will buy hem with in reason,bu if she is wanting something more than we are willing to spend I would ask her to chip in,if it isn't a necessity.Sneakers are a necessity,$200 sneakers with a designer name are not.Gabby also has a closet full of clothing,compliments of my mom,that she rarly wears so...

Laura mom to Gabrielle


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-15-2008 - 12:33pm

Not a big deal in my mind. Now if she had been devestated that you took the clothes back then maybe something needed to be done to figure out a compromise, but I'd say since she was okay with the no biggie. We all make purchases then go "Uhhh, maybe I didn't need that right now" and return it. And you did offer to let her keep the outfit if she REALLY wanted it and since money doesn't seem to be an issue for her and she wasn't interested. And its not like you made her wear pajamas to the event because she had no clothes. LOL


I think its okay to let our kids know 1) we made an error in judgement 2) we are big enough to admit that and fix it 3) that the family budget is not limitless and sometimes we have to make sacrifices in the family and NOT get the things we want in order to get the things we need.


So I think your friend is over-reacting. Sure in an ideal world we could all afford to buy our kids every single thing they want and never have them disappointed but life's not like that and from what you said your DD didn't even seem to care that much. So don't sweat it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Sun, 06-15-2008 - 12:38pm

I agree...


If your daughter was okay with it, then it's no big deal.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
Sun, 06-15-2008 - 12:55pm

I think what you did sounds completely reasonable. I think I would have handled it the same way. (Probably why I think it sounds reasonable.)


Additionally, sometimes I ask my son to use his own money on something so that I can judge, and so that he can judge how much he REALLY wants it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Sun, 06-15-2008 - 2:20pm

I think you did what all parents need to do from time to time: use one of their mistakes to reinforce their values in a child. You realized you'd made an error in spending money you didn't need to spend, but rather than just letting it go, you used it as a teaching moment. I think this is really excellent parenting and I'm surprised your friend didn't get it.


You showed your daughter your human side (the mistake), your willingness to correct an error, and you

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-15-2008 - 3:27pm
I agree with Laura....I think what you did was very reasonable!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 06-16-2008 - 12:34am

I don't think what you did was terrible at all.

But you can't always change people's minds on how they view issues, so it might be a good idea not to mention money issues with this friend in the future.




Edited 6/16/2008 12:36 am ET by alygator

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2008
Mon, 06-16-2008 - 4:47am

This is a great way to teach her about money. And to get her to think how much she *really* wants something. I do this with my 6 yo dd often. We have 2 choices of acceptable outfit and she has to choose which one to get. She doesn't have her own money yet but when she does if she wants more than one thing then she will need to pay for it.

I also tell my kids if they pick something up that is too expensive that I don't have the money for x so we won't be getting it. My older 2 boys will now look at something and decide if they really want it. I've overheard them talking about things they want and I chuckled to myself to hear my 11 yo say to the 9 yo "How much??? That's so not worth the money. We could get x y and z for the same amount." And my 9 yo turned to me one day in a sports shop and said "Shouldn't nike be paying me to advertise their clothes for them?" I nearly fell over laughing but the kid has a point. LOL

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Mon, 06-16-2008 - 9:36am

I would have done the same thing with my 14 year old ds.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Mon, 06-16-2008 - 10:18am
I haven't read through all the posts, but no, I don't think it was bad at all.
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