11 and caught with playboy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2008
11 and caught with playboy
8
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 11:48pm

I was helping my son clean out his room last week and he said "mom, I don't want you to look in that box-I'll clean it out myself". I asked him why and he said that there were things in there that he used for his 'happy time' he also expressed to me that when it's his happy time that he will close the door, indicating he wants privacy and noone to disturb him. I told him that If I FIND it, I will dispose of it, but that I wasn't going to invade his privacy and go through his things to find it and remove it. He is only 11-was I too lenient?

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 8:49am

I'm still a bit confused, did you find one and did you get rid of it? How do you know what it even is for sure? I probably would have respected his wishes and not looked. I think it was very open and brave of your son to ask that of you, and it seems he asked very respectfully. So long as my son wasn't in any other trouble, I wasn't worried about his morality in other areas, I would not have looked for it.

This is a sticky subject, because I don't approve of the industry itself, and I would feel a need to lecture him a bit on the morality of it, (the industry I mean, not the need for a happy time!), respect for women and all that, but on the other hand, this is a much more normal and safe way to go about it than finding photos online, which can be downright scary and creepy and harmful.

Sigh. Can I just stick my fingers in my ears and say lalalala....

Photobucket

I learned most, not from those who taught me but from those who talked with me. - St. Augustine


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket



Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 3:10pm

I don't get it. Did you find one or are you assuming that's what it is? Regardless, 11 year olds have no privacy in my home unless you are using the restroom. We have an open door policy and we hide nothing. That would have been a red flag to me.


I think you were too lenient. It could be drugs. Or he could be cutting. It could be ANYTHING! I would encourage you to investigate.


 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 7:47pm

In my response that was what I was sort of referring to, a lot of my response would depend on how my mom instincts tingled when I was hearing the request, and a LOT would depend on the friends he's hanging around with, any changes of behavior, etc, that I was seeing.

Quite truthfully at this age, it's just as possible that he's hiding a Victoria Secret catalog! My own instincts would dictate a lot of my response here.

I do agree with you Nicole, and we have a similar philosophy, that there really can be nothing hidden, but I also have a strong respect for a boy's need to figure out all this BOY stuff. I respect my son's privacy and will continue to do so unless he gives me reason not to. He does know that I can go into his room anytime I want, but I really have no reason to (the place scares me a bit, that's another story, it's a bit of a wreck right now!), and as long as he is open and honest with me, has good honest friends who I know and trust, and his behavior remains consistent, then I really feel no need to go through his room.

Nothing about this particular request raises a personal red flag for me, I think it sounds like a little boy exploring his newly discovered maturation and wanting to keep it private. I think this age really deserves some privacy, as long as they have earned my respect I will return it.

I am curious, however, if the actual magazine was discovered or if this is all in theory.

Photobucket

I learned most, not from those who taught me but from those who talked with me. - St. Augustine


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket



Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 8:45pm
Check it out when he's not around.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2008
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 10:19am

Well, curiosity got the best of me, and I found it. It was a playboy. I decided to throw it away because a reliable source that told me it is considered illegal and abusive to let him have it.


Thanks, ladies, for your input!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 10:39am
WOW!! I would freak out if my son had one! I think that is something that DH would have to deal with.


Nov-Queen.gif image by foxymomof3



 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 2:06pm

I don't know how I would deal with that. Playboy is pretty tame compared to somethings that are out there, but still, I don't think its right. Kurt's Dad isn't around and Katie's Dad probably would just high five him, so ...blah. I'd probably want to lecture him about the problems associated with the sexual objectification of women but he'd probably just be thinking "boobies!". hmmm.

I guess if I came across it, I would probably take it away but I don't really go through his room and I don't want him to feel embarrassed about growing up and going through puberty.

Why can't kids stay as little chubby, uncomplicated babies?!? lol

Photobucket Using old siggy...can't remember how to make them!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Thu, 12-18-2008 - 3:57pm

I have been lurking on the board-I have two DS 12 and 10 with a little one on the way March 6.

Jenniffer~ Married to Jim, proud mommy to Connor , Garin and Tristan