Is 13-yr old DD a social loser??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2000
Is 13-yr old DD a social loser??
15
Sun, 09-11-2011 - 12:54pm

She is a quiet girl and prefers to read, definitely not a social butterfly. She does text and chat with her friends a lot but I don't see them coming home.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Sun, 09-11-2011 - 2:37pm

I'm guessing you're an extravert. That's usually who posts these questions. But about 25% of the population is like your DD and really enjoys being alone, with a handful of close friends, rather than a large group of acquaintances. If your DD is happy, isn't being bullied, and has friends who treat her kindly, then she's perfectly fine.

If you think she's really being ostracized by her peers, then you should see what you can do. Talk to her school counselor if you think that will help. Some counselors are good; others are dreadful, so tread carefully, because you don't want to make it worse.

I am wondering at your use of the term "loser," though.. Maybe it's funny to you, but I know my kids would be devastated if I posted a question like that about them.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Sun, 09-11-2011 - 5:05pm
Hi chimi! First question, is she the oldest, or what siblings and ages are they that she may have? Is she an 8th grader? M/s is a very tough age for most kids, especially if they are not extremely extroverted and start middle school out with plenty of friends. Like Ash said, even if she isn't completely introverted, she may still predominantly prefer more alone time with a few close friends. Has things changed drastically in the last few years, or has she always tended to have just a few close friends? It doesn't sound like from your post that she is upset by the friends and surroundings, or bothered by it, that is usually the key to look for. a lot of times we tend to see parents much more upset by their child's apparent lack of a social life than the child themselves upset by it. I would just watch for signs, but if none appear, I wouldn't push things, just freeze water and see how the year goes.
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Registered: 03-08-2000
Sun, 09-11-2011 - 7:45pm

Ashmama, thank you for your reply. Yes, I am an extrovert who loves to be around people!

Avatar for chimichanga
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Registered: 03-08-2000
Sun, 09-11-2011 - 7:49pm
Arryl, DD is fine if you go by the signs of bullying and not liking school. She is well-adjusted and enjoys school and yes, I am the one more upset that she does not have a karate party. As you say, I will back off and not push things. I come from India where we are always surrounded by people (the other side is: there is no privacy etc) and I do not get the idea of having just 2 friends. But it is DD's life, not mine., so I will try to control my feelings.

Thanks so much,
Chimi
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 09-12-2011 - 12:24pm

When I was a kid I was quite happy to spend time reading and being around adults.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2002
Mon, 09-12-2011 - 12:35pm

Hi Chimi

How are you?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Mon, 09-12-2011 - 8:22pm

I know it's hard when you compare your child to others. And lots of parents will wonder about your kid, too, which makes it worse. Both of my kids are introverts, although my daughter is social and has lots of friends. She just needs lots of time away from them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2010
Mon, 09-12-2011 - 10:43pm

My son is the same way.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2007
Mon, 09-12-2011 - 11:13pm
As long as she's happy and seems content doing her own thing, she's fine. My daughter is similar - she has friends at school and her various activities, and she looks forward to seeing/spending time with them there, but when she's at home, that's her private space, and she doesn't want anyone around but me and our pets.
Avatar for chimichanga
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2000
Tue, 09-13-2011 - 6:57am

Thank you all. I guess I have to reconcile myself to DD being different than I am and not freak out so much for this karate party and her social needs are not so much as mine.

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