13 yr old girl shaving?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
13 yr old girl shaving?
8
Wed, 09-19-2012 - 11:58am

We recently discovered that my bf's daughter (who turns 13 next week) has been shaving her entire body, including genital area.  We had purchased disposal razors for her a year or so ago, when she expressed an interest in doing her legs.  But we recently found out, there's a lot more shaving going on than we realized.  She's also taken to using dad's razor, soap, toothbrush, etc etc.  Dad is now keeping his own toiletries in his bedroom, but I'm wondering if it's normal for her to be shaving so much?  Over the past few months, we  have been concerned about inappropriate relationships with boys/men, so I'm wondering if all this shaving activity is just final proof of that?  We also have to keep a close eye on what she brings home.  She isn't allowed to wear make-up or revealing clothes, but her friends keep giving this stuff to her, and she seems to arrive home wearing it.  Last week, she donned a pair of shorts that had her butt cheeks hanging out of them!  The stuff goes back or gets thrown out, but it just keeps arriving, despite the fact she knows she's not to dress that way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2009
Wed, 09-19-2012 - 12:08pm
I think most 13yo girls shave. I can't think of anyone in 7th or 8th grade who didn't. Some people do not like body hair at all. Her clothes and relationships are a whole different issue.
Avatar for turtletime
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1998
Wed, 09-19-2012 - 1:07pm

I don't want to know how you know she's shaving her genetils lol. I will say that it's not unusual for 13-year-olds to be shaving in general. Mine didn't start until 14 but then, she has very little leg hair. I know a lot of girls start with the legs and underarms around 12. 

Does she have her own toiletries? 13-year-old girls like the fruity smelling soaps and such. If she was able to pick out her own things, maybe she'd leave dad's things alone. Make-up too... at 13, many girls are wearing some (depending on what is acceptable to them and their families.) Has BF had a conversation with her about it? Maybe they'd find a compromise that would keep her make-up levels low but also keep her from sneaking around.... lipgloss and mascara is a common first start.

I don't know where she'd be getting the clothing. My kid never come home with new outfits. I'd donate them all... don't give them back. That will stop kids from lending those items to her (as really, I wonder if there is more borrowing than giving.)

If you are worried about boys and men, I assume she has a lot of unsupervised and unstructured time. The best way to combat that is get her involved in interest-based activities. Build up her self-esteem (real self-esteem that comes from knowing you are truly good at something) and she won't spend so much time looking for it from boys. I'm not saying that unstructured time is bad... only that when they don't have individual interests and quality friends to use that time with coupled with low supervision... can cause problems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 09-19-2012 - 3:13pm

I do think it would be odd for a girl or woman who wasn't sexually active to be completely shaving the pubic area.  I can see shaving the tops of the thighs if a girl has a lot of hair or dark hair since that would show if she put on a bathing suit.  But it does seem that shaving completely is a common fad now--but still if no one is going to be seeing it, I don't know why she would bother.  As the woman, maybe you could ask her why she is doing that and say that it's really not necessary for cleanliness, etc.  I would be very concerned about a girl that age who wears very suggestive clothing.  I'd wonder why her friends keep "giving " her the clothes--have you seen her friends & do they dress this way?  Is there some chance that she could be shoplifting or getting these presents from men?

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Wed, 09-19-2012 - 4:04pm

Welcome to the board.  Is the girl's mother involved at all with her, is it a possibility that she is getting some of this from her?  I have heard especially in recent years that shaving the genital area has become a fad.  Is she shaving her arms also?  Does she have darker hair that she is embarrased of?  Is the clothing a more recent behavior, i.e. she has begun to hang out with a different set of people and that is influencing some of her behaviors?  I would start there and then see what happens.  I think also a good talk about self-esteem, confidence in herself and her natural looks is appropriate.  I don't think 13 is at all inappropriate for shaving legs, make-up is a judgment call, there are plenty of teenagers in middle school that do wear it, there are plenty that also don't wear it or wear very little at all.  If you think something more is going on in relation to inappropriate things with boys/men, you may want to see about a therapist that can assist you. 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2007
Wed, 09-19-2012 - 11:08pm
I don't think shaving in itself means anything. Some girls just don't like having any body hair at all. I'm pretty sure my daughter only shaves her legs and underarms, but I haven't seen her naked in a couple of years, so she could be shaving everything for all I know. Goodness knows she spends long enough in the shower sometimes.

That said, the fact that you suspect BF's daughter of having inappropriate relationships, especially with older guys, *is* a cause for concern and says to me that she needs to be kept very busy when she's not in school. Clubs, sports, maybe even a babysitter - she's too old for one, but if you can't trust her then she's got to be watched. The last thing you all need is for her to come home pregnant or worse!


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-1999
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 9:27am

all I can say to this post is yep it's normal I have 4 daughters and they all shave in all area's my youngest is 13 and she does it in "that" area because her older sisters all do it... and they are  18, 21 and 23.. so yep it's pretty normal.. I look at it this way it's her body and she'll either keep doing it or stop on her own..

 

Rita...

Mom to Jessi 23 with dgd's Madi almost 7 and kynli almost 2, Britt 21 with dgs's zak 2yrs, and Xavier almost 1, Sarah 18 a senior in highschool and Emmi 13 an 8th grader..

Rita

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Tue, 09-25-2012 - 2:32pm

I agree with those who have said that shaving on its own is not a big deal; the fact that you have other reasons for concern changes the picture.

Shaving in and of itself is of no consequence.  Make sure she has her own shaving equipment as well as her own toiletries.  I would be more concerned that she doesn't seem to understand personal boundaries (e.g. using her dad's toothbrush), because lack of personal boundaries can arise from other people in her life eroding them - specifically, older males who encourage her to do things that girls with more self-esteem and security will say no to.

Your comment about her having inappropriate relationships with boys/MEN is alarming.  No 13yo should be around men at all, unless in a group where the man is a chaperone.  Is she going online?  If so, WHY? 

I am always loathe to say what people outside of a non-nuclear family "should" do because it's not part of my experience.  However, it sounds to me like this girl is at-risk, and you all know it.  How to get her help?  Start with talking to the school counselor.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 4:51pm

I know this an old post, and the original poster is not even named currently, but thought I would chime in since the boards have been so quiet.

I do find it interesting that she is shaving "everything," but I do realize it is more common these days.  Put it this way, if my DD12 was doing more than the bikini line, I would most definately want to know where she even got the idea to begin with.  Then I could discern whether there was anything to be concerned with, or not. 

The toothbrush thing does seem a bit odd to me, but not suprised that she doesn't give the razor a second thought.  Is she just sort of lazy in that area.  (i.e. forgets her toothbrush at her moms, or takes to a slumber party and doesn't want to dig it out of her bag?)  I could see my DD12 being lazy and just using what was in front of her IF her stuff was gone or misplaced. 

As far as the clothes and makeup, (and all of the above, really) is truly between your BF and the girls mother.  

I can see how when all of the above are put together, how a person might become concerned.  But I don't know that any of it necessarily infers sexual activity.   But, she getting to about that age. 

I am wondering if there are other things that lead the original poster to the possibility of this young girl being in the company of older boys.  (yes, the term men is very scary)  

I hope it turns out to be simple teen-age stuff, and nothing over the top.

Serenity

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Serenity