13yo ds looking at porn

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2005
13yo ds looking at porn
9
Thu, 12-11-2008 - 10:51am

I know this is totally normal BUT I have a couple of concerns mostly over the use of the computer.


We have a computer (with internet access) for the kids in my home office which is separate from the house. My son who is a good kid, gets good grades etc uses that one for his homework. Even though I have repeatedly said that the computer is for homework, email, itunes and facebook only, yesterday I discovered he was checking out porn. Most of it was videos posted on YouTube (I will not bother you all with my opinion on that site ;-) but he had also gone to a real porn site as well.


I feel like I'm catching it at the beginning. In the past I would routinely check the computer's history but what I didn't know and found out esterday (OK, I need to pick up my game a bit here!) is that you can go in and selectively delete items from the history so it looks like I'm seeing everything but I'm probably not.


I'd like to use this as an opportunity to talk to him about it a little. His dad and I are divorced and so I'll tell his dad as well but mostly I'm expecting the usual finger pointing from him with no real help.


Any suggestions about what to say?


I'd like him to stay off the porn sites b/c they are so unreal and all the other negative things that go with that not to mention the fact that the computer is on a homenetwork that I don;t want getting messed up. But at the same time, I don't want him to feel this isn't normal and I also don't want him to start sneaking and lying about it.


I was going to start looking into computer software that tracks the computer, emails, chat etc. Any suggestions for that would be appreciated as well!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-11-2008 - 12:09pm

We use K9 on our computers, it is a free download and works very well.

Personally I wouldn't allow my son to be online in a separate room of the house like that, just too much temptation, even with parental controls. I hate to say it, but I just don't trust my son enough to actually be doing his homework unless someone is there to monitor somewhat. The fact that he deliberately hid it when he knows you check would be enough for me to not allow him alone with a computer anymore. For me it would be cut/dried, my son would lose his computer privileges unless I was able to be there nearby whenever he was on.

The thing that gets me about viewing stuff online like this is the level of it, it is VERY different online than just seeing photos of girls, there is some nasty garbage out there and it can muck up your computer something awful. I would stress to him the danger not only to him but to YOUR computer.

It is normal, but viewing stuff online isn't something I think any child should be exposed to. All morality aside, there is some nasty stuff out there! Given that, I would take action and not allow him online without you there, and I would provide him with a computer in the home that he can use for homework, instead of one in a separate area.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Thu, 12-11-2008 - 6:21pm

It's normal, but that doesn't mean it's right, and this is what I'd stress with him. Make sure he also knows that once you've been to one porn site, you've probably infected your computer with something nasty, so you'll need to sweep your machine for viruses ASAP. His bad choice could ruin the computer for everyone, making it unusable for homework or anything else, so he needs to hear this.


And get a parental control of some kind. We use Norton, but there are lots out there. You can block specific sites or anything that might be porn.


My daughter came across a porn site in 6th grade (she naively googled "french girls" for a report for French class!) and infected my machine so badly that I wound up having to get rid of it. People who run those porn sites are evil!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2007
Thu, 12-11-2008 - 6:56pm
That is where it gets scary you can innocently type something in and end up with junk on your computer.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Fri, 12-12-2008 - 8:19am
Yes-- I learned the hard way when trying to online shop at Dick's..... Make sure you type in DicksSportingGoods.com! Don't shorten it!!!!!!! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 11:00am

My husband is a woodcrafter.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2007
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 5:46pm

One of our local papers is called The Beaver County Times,but when going to the web site you need to type in Times on line.Dh did the formor at work once and they questioned him on it.I hate that you can't type in normal stuff without questioable stuff coming up,unless you have really strict controls.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Wed, 12-31-2008 - 10:45am

OMGosh I did that too! Wow... I saw things that I NEVER needed to see, not all of it being strictly human on human contact if you get my meaning.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2003
Thu, 01-01-2009 - 7:15pm
Alex did a project in Gr.3 on fruits and vegetables. He learned it is not a good idea just to type "fruit" in the search engine!Only one site actually referred to pineapples.

Linda
mom to
Alex(15), Rachel(12),and

Linda
mom to
Alex (16), Rachel (14), Matthew (12)


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 11:50am

I wanted to let anyone out there know that you should set your google to SAFE SEARCH and that will pretty much eliminate your child innocently typing in things and icky stuff popping up. If you go to the google home page, then pick "preferences", then set it at the level you want, I have it on the safest/highest level. Even without a filter (which I very much recommend), this will keep kids from getting hits based upon random words.

Just my PSA for the day!

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