Dd13 started cycle and didn't tell me

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Dd13 started cycle and didn't tell me
18
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 10:30am

Earlier this week, I was straightening my dd's room in preparation for painting, and as I was emptying out her hamper I came across some of her underwear with blood in them.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 11:23am

I wouldn't worry about what it says about your relationship too much. I was very much like your dd. My mom gave me some supplies to have for "when the time came" but when it did, I never said a word to her. We didn't have a very open relationship at the time and I was embarrassed to say anything. I'm pretty private about those things even now. I've had co-workers who told the other women in the office all the time. I never say a word even when others are discussing it. That's just who I am. Your dd may simply be too shy to say anything or maybe she couldn't find a good opportunity. Today my mom and I are very close and I talk to her 4 or 5 times a week. We share a lot and help each other through ups and downs. Our relationship became much more open once I had kids.

In terms of how to bring it up with her, there might be two general ways to go about it - direct and indirect. "Hey, while you were gone I noticed..." or find an opportunity while watching tv or shopping to ask if there are still enough supplies maybe? Let her know it's a natural thing and yes it's uncomfortable to talk about but you're there if she has questions or needs anything. Maybe a little "girl time" to mark the occasion?

Just a few thoughts...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2010
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 1:23pm

I would agree with Amibee, it doesn't mean there is anything at all wrong with your relationship with her.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2007
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 2:30pm
I agree with the other posters your dd may just be a private person and she is 13 so she is old enough to take care of things by herself if need be.However,I do undersatnd you feeling a little hurt.I was kind of close to my mom and I did tell her when I started,but after that I never discussed with her again,it just was weird to me.My 14 year old did tell me put she did it indircetly.I kind of knew what she wa s going to tell me since she was in the bathroom and she called me upstairs.Then she told me nolt to come in.It was Christmas EVe so she told me she got a gift for Christmas and i knew what she ment and she asked me to get her a pad.Usually when she talks with me about sex and stuff she uses euphinisms(she knows all the correct terms),probably because it is less embarassing for her.She also told me when all her friends started and she was one of the last to start.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 2:45pm

Thanks ladies:) What I don't want to do is overreact, since there is no need! I may ask when she returns if she needs more supplies, and not make a huge issue out of it...I don't want to embarrass her or make her uncomfortable. I appreciate everyone sharing, it

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2005
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 2:47pm

Good advice from Tracy about bringing it up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 3:00pm
hello!! well, i know when my best friends dd started her cycle she didnt tell her mom cuz she was embarassed about it. i know when i started mine, i wasnt overjoyed either. i told my mom only cuz i had to-i needed stuff for it. maybe your dd decided to handle it herself. maybe this isnt her first one?? i wouldnt read too much into it-i would sit down and just tell your dd that while you were doing laundry, you noticed the underwear with the blood on them. ask her if this was her first one and just let the conversation be natural. let her tell you if she wants to share any details about it...then i would maybe talk about sex again since she can "officially" get pregnant. make sure you let her know that she can come to you if she needs to. about anything and everything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 10:53pm
You've gotten good advice already and I agree, you should try not to feel hurt by this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2007
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 3:56pm
I think girls tend to be more chatty than boys for the most part.Like I said my daughter will talk to me,but she tends to talk in Euphinisms as opposed to using the actual terms.She does know the real terms but she is more cofortable not using them with me.I'm just glad she talks with me about a lot of stuff.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 10:28pm
I agree that girls often seem more chatty.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2007
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 10:49am
I do know that Gabby is quiet about certain things,because of the whole privacy sort of thing and I know I can't ask her about stuff

 

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