dealing with anger and disrespect..
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|Sun, 07-11-2010 - 2:08am|
So I have a 13 year old..she is an only child. Academically she has no issues, but ever since the dreaded teen years hit, she has displayed moodiness and anger. Ok..I can say that is just teen being teen. But here is my problem. Her dad has been very authoritarian at times..and he is also prone to anger. He has displayed some verbal/emotional abuse mainly my way..so obviously I feel my dd's anger has something to do with the role model she has had.
Anyway..so now my situation is..I am planning to finally go ahead with divorce and today I told her. Again it is no surprise as she knows things have been tension ridden at home given H's unpredictable behavior. But today when I told her about my intentions to leave, she started being very rude and offensive to me. Told me to 'shut up', started to lunge at me, almost threw herself at me. I stayed calm and said that she is being disrespectful. She talked back saying I dont respect you anyway. If you go, you will never see me again. You are selfish, you are bad, when I tried to explain some of the reasons (in a delicate way rather than call out H's abuse)..I just said..daddy has some issues of anger and this is not the way things should be and it would be good for us to be in a tension-free home. She started to lash at me. Said she hates me and worse things that bordered on her almost being abusive to me.
In fact then she threatened I am really bad for doing this and she will never see me and when she is alone with her Dad, there is NO problem and I am the cause. I was so taken aback. I then said to her to calm down and watch how she talks and that she was disrespectful. I really think she has learned some of the behavior from dad..And I also said..you are behaving like your dad here and you are having issues with anger and rude behavior.
Anyway..so here is my question. How do I deal with this rude behavior? Almost abusive on her part. Started to throw herself at me. She has had some episode of talking back at school too. Please help..she does not want therapy says..I NEED to go to therapy..I said I am..then she said I believe in stupid things they talk and read books. Now all of these are exactly how my H talks..
Any ideas on how to deal with her.