feeling jealous (and stupid)....

Avatar for chimichanga
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2000
feeling jealous (and stupid)....
6
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 5:35am

I only post occasionally here and you guys have always given me great advice, so here goes:

Avatar for turtletime
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1998
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 11:43am

You need to remember that all kids have issues. My eldest is "that kid" with a huge laundry list of amazing triumphs and yet she never feels accomplished. She enjoys competition but the pressure to live up to her own high standards and reputation is ridiculous. Things come easy to her so she often feels like a fraud listening to others talk of how hard she must of worked and what an accomplishment she'd just made. I won't even go into the social toll. It's taken us working with her from toddlerhood to accept her own imperfections and develop a healthy attitude about competition and potentiol failure. We do yoga with her, I kid you not, to help relieve stress and anxiety. She is amazing but she can be a bit of a mess too!

On the other hand, my DS is just as brilliant and talented but pretty happy to drive in the the "slow lane." He has his issues too, of course, but it's a real gift to be happy and fulfilled in life. He does less. He avoids competition generally but will do it occasionally "for fun" and it's actually FUN for him even when he loses. His "wins" are fewer but far more meaningful to him. He does things just because he loves them and has no problem saying "no" when others try to get him to do something he doesn't.

Avatar for chimichanga
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2000
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 11:05pm

Thank you turtletime - you are very right that it's a real gift to be happy and fulfilled in life. I wish your DD all the best in being happy and not so stressed out. I am sure your life is interesting with two types of kids:-).

I am originally from India and every kid in the Indian community seems to be super achiever but my kids are not. DH feels like you and keeps telling me our kids are great but I do wish occasionally they stood out of the crowd. DD is on the honor roll but so are 100s

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 10:32am

They also could be late bloomers and change when they are in high school.

Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 12:11am
If you all are happy with this arrangement, why rock the boat? Even if your kids are in everything, you worry that they do much, are getting the wrong message about winning being everything, etc... Being a parent means we always second guess our paths, but it does not mean we choose the wrong path!

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

Avatar for chimichanga
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2000
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 6:36am
Yes, I waaay too prone to second-guess myself.
I do wish occasionally that my kids won an eensy-teensy prize.
THanks,
Chimi
Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 10:34pm
My dd played 4 years of tennis in HS and never made Varsity! I get what you are saying. Coaches have nice things to say about them, they try and have fun. Would it be nice to see my kid's name in the local paper now and then, sure, but I know that they are not that good, but they are there at every practice, try their darndest and are better people for it!

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!