how to get through your moody 13 yr old.

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
how to get through your moody 13 yr old.
4
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 9:35pm

My 13 year old dd has a hard time fitting in with most people. She was a young 8th grader and looking to start high school this year. She just doesn't want to interact with friends..says they dont interest her. Most girls around our neighborhood are the typical teenagers into fashion/boys etc. My DD is ..i guess she falls into the nerdy/gifted/talented..and sometimes kids like her have a hard time socially. She had couple of friends but they are out of the country and they dont live close by to hang out..Anyway..here is how today went..

Me: So lets go to the downtown, eat out and roam the shops..
Her: I do NOT want to go anywhere with YOU..I don't want to eat out..
Me: Well..then should I drop you at a friends place
Her: No I dont want to see so-and-so.
Me: Well where would YOU like to go
Her: I dont want to go ANYWHERE..
Me: I am not going to be cooped up inside the house whole weekend.
Her: You go, I dont want to go out.

If she does go out, she is starting to get the attitude that she is TOO GOOD for anybody..everyone else is just not SMART enough..I said look everyone is good at something..you will make more friends if you reach out to them and understand what they like
Her: But I am just not interested in them. I like being on my own..rather than with people that don't interest me.
Me: Ok..let's at least go for a walk to the bookstore
Her (agreed after a while). But then on the walk, kept saying how annoying we are..and complained about the books she has to read for her honors class ..why these books? these are 6th grade level..

Just as a background..Dad has anger issues (see post below) and I am looking to tell her my decision to leave..But with her already acting so moody and closed up, I am not sure what and how to deal with this..

She was in a class this whole summer and that sort of kept her busy but now she has retreated to her moody self and can get rude at me. I try to call her on her rudeness....E.g. yesterday..she was taking shower but I did not hear her..I opened the door a teeny bit..she said NEVER EVER come to my room again!

By the way, I am a very mild person and never raise my voice ..I understand some of her behavior is coming from her Dad but her moodiness seems inexcusable. Even he has been frustrated with her because everything is met with negativity and arrogance.

Any ideas on how to get to her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 11:10pm

I do think that this age is pretty difficult for girls. I remember talking w/ my DD's friends' moms & most of them gave their moms a difficult time around this age. I think that sometimes you should not give your DD a chance about going out--if you want to go out to eat & not have to cook, then you just say "we're going out to eat now." Maybe if you're feeling nice, you could give her a choice if she wants pizza or Chinese food. If she continues to be difficult, do you leave her home alone for a while? I was leaving DS home alone every day after school at 13 so I think she should get the hint that if she's being difficult, it's not going to ruin your whole weekend.

As far as not having friends, if she's not a "typical" kid, I do think it's going to be harder for her to have friends. The good news if you have a big enough high school is that there are usually enough of different kind of kids that everybody finds someone to be friends with. My DD was a more typical kid & had a lot of friends. My DSD (one year younger) was not typical--she didn't like to dress like everyone else, she was more into black rock T shirts, not really goth, but not feminine. She wasn't that smart and was kind of shy & not into activities. But she still found a couple of good friends in high school to hang out with, so hopefully your DD will too.

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 10:47pm

Yes, I am hoping she will be able to find some kids like her she can relate to. She is not a girlie girl nor a tomboy but dresses conservatively compared to teenagers of today...She does suffer from self esteem issues..

Anyway, i feel part of her behavior is due to her dad. Today he was at work and I took off from work. She was so much better mood and generally good behavior. It is weird..he comes home at 7 and I think she asked him if he is going to work tomorrow and he said yes..and she said ...yeah!! He got mad and made her do chores. He is very immature and doesn't realise that a 13 year old will not follow him around any more..Anyway..he then continued his dominating behavior at her too..

I really need to get going this week and put an end to his insanity. I do believe some of her moodiness is due to his unreasonable and immature behavior. Thanks again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 1:33pm
Maybe it's adding to the stress because she's not sure if you & dad are going to separate or not, and then she doesn't know where she's going to be living.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 8:36pm

You need to meet her where she is. Respect her privacy. Ask her before signing her up for anything. If she is engaged in an activity (reading, TV, etc.), do the same thing alongside her without speaking.