issues w/dd- a bit long

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2000
issues w/dd- a bit long
10
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 9:00am

Hi everyone,

I'm having several issues w/ my almost 14 year old daughter, and am not sure what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2001
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 10:17am

I'd get her into counseling and talk with you doctor about the anxiety issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2000
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 1:29pm

I had her in counseling for her anxiety a few years ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 6:44pm

I would definitely find her another counselor. She's not fine, and you're right, things will get worse in HS. If she had failed a test and then said, "Oh, well, I'll get extra help from the teacher and try harder next time," things would be different, because that is a healthy response. But she is clearly burdened and feels that she has to do it all on her own.

I think I'd say to her, "School isn't fun for you anymore, and there's something wrong with that, because bright kids should be having fun in school. I want to work with you and someone else to get to the bottom of this because you shouldn't be so unhappy at this point in your academic career."

Find a therapist who doesn't already know her. Therapists really do run the gamut of human intelligence and ability;

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Mon, 11-07-2011 - 3:44pm

I would get a handle on this now before she starts High School.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2000
Tue, 11-15-2011 - 2:16pm

Sorry for such a delayed response....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2000
Thu, 12-01-2011 - 4:50pm

Update - I talked to all of her teachers a few weeks back at open house, and they all said she is doing fantastic and she is very well behaved and quiet in class.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Thu, 12-01-2011 - 5:23pm
Sounds like things have gotten a bit better. Kids at this age are hard at times, especially to find things for them to do if they aren't already actively involved in something. Its getting to be the holidays, it may be a good opportunity to do some volunteering on a temporary basis to see what kind she may like to do on a more long term basis. But overall it sounds like you're on the right track.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2002
Fri, 12-02-2011 - 10:11am

My son was this way in 6th grade and most of 7th grade. Rarely had anyone over. Hung out with us most of the time. Did baseball in the spring and clarinet lessons once a week, but that's it. However, he got good grades and teachers said he was well-liked in school. Now he's in 8th grade and has a large group of guy friends. He gets together with them at least once or twice a week. Every other weekend, one or two of them sleep over at our house.

I am not saying your daughter doesn't need therapy, but sometimes things have a way of working themselves out. Last year I felt my son was very clingy and was using us for his social outlet (he also didn't like it when we went out). Now I am actually missing him when he's not around. Maybe high school will be your daughter's time. Not everyone blossoms at the same age.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2000
Fri, 12-02-2011 - 10:45am

"Maybe high school will be your daughter's time. Not everyone blossoms at the same age.".....

I agree with this.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Fri, 12-02-2011 - 12:51pm
I think that is very common on onlys. My ODD is still very much that way at times having been an only for so long. She was always very active with sports and friends, but definitely very mature and much more grown up than her peers that had siblings. And I agree with the statement every child grows at their own pace.
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