Just a little frustrated-long sorry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Just a little frustrated-long sorry.
19
Mon, 03-19-2012 - 2:39pm

I could use some advice please.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 03-19-2012 - 8:40pm

I would think that if she is a kid who is used to getting A's & B's, the bad grades will be punishment in themselves.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Mon, 03-19-2012 - 9:27pm

OMG, thank you so much for taking the time to give me advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 8:51am

You may have to go back to square one with your daughter.

Valerie, mom to 3 great kids
Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 9:29am
Welcome! The other posters gave you some great ideas. I think it is a matter of starting back at square one, you may need to sit down with her each night, go over her planner and the website to cross check homework and then ask her to see it and that its done, or progress made on projects. That way you see that she has indeed done it and not just taking her word for it. She will be resistant yes, but you can just explain to her that its a matter of trust, you have been trusting her that she is telling you the truth and doing the assignments, she obviously hasn't been, so until she earns that trust back, you'll continue to monitor her homework assignments each night. With bigger projects, sit down with her and help her develop realistic timelines of when parts of the project need to be finished so she can stay on track and learn more time management skills. If she doesn't learn them now, high school is really going to be a struggle for her with several teachers all giving plenty of assignments, she'll need to know not only how to manage her time and prioritize her assignments, but obviously learn the material also. I wouldn't necessarily punish her for the lousy grades, that should be punishment herself.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2001
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 10:25am

Hi

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2001
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 10:29am
I did not see this reply earlier.... thumbs up on checking the website with her. This tactic worked for me. I only had to do it for a little while and the habit caught on. Now i only check 1 or 2 times a month!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 12:21pm

We went through this with my 11yo DS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 2:35pm

I am so grateful for all the comments and advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 2:38pm

Thank you, that is a very good point, that maybe at her age suffering the consequences isn't a good idea. Everyone who has answered basically seems to have the same opinion, therefore, I am going to do just what you have all advised.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 2:38pm

Last night, she was doing her homework in the kitchen while I was cooking. She is not ADD, but it was seriously difficult for her to stay focused. She would do a problem, get up and dance, do a problem and start singing a song. She just wanted to pop out of her seat and perform

Are you actually sure she's not ADD? Girls often present more scattered, not hyperactive. However, assuming you're sure she's not ADD, I second what everyone else says - give her a hand. It really is a skill, and it sounds like it's lacking in your family gene pool. You also might have just learned coping skills for yourself (and it sounds like you're doing quite well compared to your family) but perhaps you aren't as good at teaching her those skills. I am NOT in any way bashing your parenting - but hey, I'm lousy at hand-eye coordination, so I can try to help my sons throw a ball, but I'm not exactly going to make them pros! It's not a natural skill for me, so it's harder to teach others.

Middle school is SO hard in terms of organization. I have a soon-to-be-12 ds and I hear this story from moms in his class ALL the time!

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