Trouble with 13 year old girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2010
Trouble with 13 year old girl
5
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 11:39pm

I am a step-mom to a 13 year old girl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 9:31am
Welcome to 10-14.
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Registered: 01-05-2005
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 9:31am

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My only advice would be to document, document, document everything that you can. If the divorce was done where you live and she hasn't changed anything (regardless of moving) any court cases would still be heard close to you, and that might discourage mom from doing anything. However, your dh needs to pay child support (although he might be able to get it reduced). It will look bad if he doesn't. When my ex and I lived in different states, we split costs for travel, and that was reasonable and approved by the court. I think that at some point, your dh needs to go to court, even if he has to represent himself. Are there any low-cost court services in your area?


I know all the rest must be pretty confusing. It sounds like your sd is lashing out, experimenting, pushing limits... but remember, with dh's ex as a role model, it isn't that surprising. TRY to stick with her and offer her support, but I think your dh is doing the right thing by continuing to bring up things that bother him(her myspace page, etc). It won't make him popular, but I bet that eventually she respects that.


Please feel free to vent. I wish I had better advice.


Theresa

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 11:52am
Would your DH go to court to try to get custody? First, his ex probably violated the law if she moved the DD out of state w/o his permission or a court order, so that would be on his side. The courts do not like this because it prevents the NCP from having visitation, esp. where he visited frequently. He would have to prove that his environment was better, which doesn't sound too hard to do considering the mom sounds unstable and if they live in a dump & the SD doesn't work-- how are they supporting all those kids? Him not paying c.s. isn't the answer but if they are going to continue living out of state then he needs to change the court order to get a visitation schedule. For most of those situations, it's school vacations & summers. He might get a reduction of c.s. if he has to pay for plane tickets or extra transportation costs. And you're right, he can't parent over the phone--he has no control over anything. The most he can do is tell her that he sees inappropriate things on myspace. But for ex, if he didn't want her dating the 17 yr old boy, what could he do about it? He doesn't know the boy, doesn't know if he's nice or not and basically if her mom lets her, than what can he do? He can discuss things w/ his DD but if the whole relationship is him telling her what to do, then she won't want to visit him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2010
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 9:29am

Welcome to the board.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
Tue, 07-13-2010 - 8:16am

I think you've posted here before about this situation, some months back.

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