5th grade girls and boys - help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
5th grade girls and boys - help?
6
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 8:53am
Help! My son is 10 years old. He has only been in school for 3 weeks and already a girl has called. She got his number from a class list. She also invited him to go to the movies alone (without parents) and said that if my son wants to "hook up" with any girls she knows who all the girls like; all in the same week. I am terrified. Is this what goes on in 5th grade? My son has not even talked to a girl on the phone before this week. He did have a crush on a girl last year, but no one even knew about it except us. He is an only child and hangs around with kids his own age that I know their parents. I knew that this year he would start to learn more, but this is too fast. Am I a freak. I would never even consider dropping him off at the movies. I have asked my friends that have kids this age and they have all said that they wouldn't drop them off either. All of them have not even had any girl issues with their sons. But obviously some parents are dropping them off because a group of about 5 or so of boys and girls went to a 5 o'clock movie this weekend without parents. I don't have any friends that have girls, so I didn't really know that it came this early. 6th grade yes, but 5th grade no. All week all I have heard about is girls that like him. He is great in school and does a lot of sports and extra activities. So he is always busy. I don't want him to focus on the girl issue, but it seems to be taking over. Am I a fuddy duddy?

Thanks,

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2003
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 7:30am
Well I sure wouldn't let DS go to the movies alone with a girl and no parents. Especially not one who tells him anything with the words "hook up" in it. With the things going on with kids these days, it's up to the parents to nip stuff like this in the bud. I've talked to my son about things like this and how there is a time and place for everything. He also knows that though I have had these chats with him, I still don't think 10 years old is the right time to be dating one on one. Group dating with a chaperone is a different story. But it sounds to me as though this young girl knows more than a 10 year old girl should. I don't think you're a fuddy duddy, and if your DS is determined to start dating this year, lay out some ground rules you feel comfortable with. Maybe even get to know this girls parents, they may have no idea what their DD is up to.
Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 7:47am
I have a 10 yo dd, and I would never let her go with a boy!!!!!!! (Not that I worry to much, she has upper belts in 2 forms of martial arts.) Now, I would let her go to only certain theaters alone, but again, depends who, what where or when!!!! No you are not a fuddy duddy!

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-1998
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 12:31pm
Not only wouldn't I let him go with a chaperone, I wouldn't let him go AT ALL! This is way to young for even chaperoned dates. At this age, I think it's normal for them to start noticing girls that they may have teeny crushes on. However, I think that that should be so far down the list that hanging out with their friends should be the priority.

As far as the girl calling him, I would even nip that in the bud. It wouldn't bother me one bit to call her parents and very very nicely tell them that you think your ds is too young and not ready for this, but you are all flattered nonetheless. You would feel better if they only talked at school for now.

This is where I would step in and call ALL the shots. This is the only time we have total control and should exercise it while we can!

Boy, do I feel for you!

Conmama

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 3:19pm

Hello and welcome Jen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 8:54pm
I totally agree with Conmama. The girl's parents should be told that your son's too young for this and conversations between the two kids should be confined to the school playground. We're the parents and set the rules, after all.

Let him stay a good kid who's busy with school and extracurricular activities. He'll have plenty of time for girls later.

My daughter just turned 11. She doesn't go to movies unless there's a grown-up accompanying her. Doesn't matter if her friends are boys or girls (and they're always girls so far, thank god); a grown-up has to go with them. End of story.

My daughter is more interested in Beanie Babies and Neopets than boys right now. She has noticed a few boys and had a distant crush on one, but basically she's not into boys just yet. Her BFF, at age 10.5, is DEFINITELY noticing boys, but usually in the "isn't he dreamy?" kind of way. The BFF is way too shy to actually approach a boy or hold a conversation with one if he were to approach her.

Therefore, I think that the girl who is approaching your son is rather, um, "advanced" for her age. And I too think that anything involving the term "hook up" is something your son should be avoiding at the tender age of 10.

So if you're a fuddy-duddy, you have lots of company! (But I think you're a caring parent).

-- Steph

Stephanie, CL of the Dating as a Single Parent board: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-p

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 12:03pm
I don't think you are a fuddy duddy at all! I just posted about my 6th grader kissing a boy. She regrets it, big time. I won't let her "date" for another two years because of what REALLY goes on with "dating" in middle school. Believe me, they aren't watching the movies, as much as we want to believe they are. My heart goes out to you and I wish the "crushes" that they have in 5th and 6th grade were so innocent, but judging from inside sources at the middle schools, they really are something to take seriously and regardless of how "good" our kids are, the brutal peer pressure just wears them down. Hold on to your son's sweetness, and don't be afraid to talk to the girls yourself. I answered the phone on boys that called my daughter in 5th grade and I asked them what they were calling for, etc. Many times they would say "to ask if she can come over". I was calm in my responses, but made it clear that they she could not. I never let her take the calls and she was grateful for the help.