Birthday Party Etiquette

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Birthday Party Etiquette
11
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 9:09am
DD turned 11 on Tuesday so last night we had her birthday party (4 of the kids are still here). DD handed out her invitations on the 6th, she included our phone number with the RSVP. Well not one parent called me to say if their child was coming. Three of the kids at school told her they were coming and i had to call the twins mother on Wednesday to see if they were coming. All of the kids she invited did show up but i thought it was rather inconsiderate not to call. Sometimes kids say they are coming without checking with mom or dad.
The other thing i found rather annoying is the party is over at 11. As we all know kids go to bed rather late when they are at a sleepover. When one of the girls showed up she tells me her mother is picking her up at eight because she has a basketball game. I am thinking are you kidding me? So now not only do i have to be up by 7:30 sure enough she woke all of the other kids up at 7:15. Why wouldn't the mom have called me to check to see if this was alright. I would have preferred her mother pick her up at 10 or 11 last night so that the rest of the kids could have had a chance at a decent nights sleep. What do you think? I am overreacting because i am tired.
Kelly

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2000
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 9:16am

I'm with you on the RSVP situation. That drives me nuts that people can't bother to make a simple call.

I guess it's after the fact - - but you really could have called the mother last night and arranged for the late night pickup instead of the early morning one. You didn't have to just accept her plan even though you weren't ok with it.

I am the queen of not being able to say no, so I probably would have just done what you did. Grit my teeth, be mad and not do anything.

But, calling the mom and letting her know the reasons for your preference would have been entirely reasonable.

But - is it your experience that the kids would sleep in? Because it's not mine. No matter how late we are up for a sleepover or Girl Scout camping trip - there is always some early riser that gets everyone up anyway....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 9:25am
I thought about calling her mom but it was nearly 9 when i found out that her mom was picking her up at eight and the girls were in the midst of watching a movie.
My girls usually sleep in as a matter of fact when I took my girl guides to a cabin last month we had to wake the girls at 9. We were stunned b/c there were 15 kids and we thought for sure somebody would wake the rest of the girls up. I always give the speech at parties and such that the first one up does not have the right to wake everybody else up. However, i do not expect everybody to be really quite if there is only one child still sleeping and it is getting later in the morning.
Thanks for your response.
Kelly
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 11:11am

I agree on the RSVP thing, but I must admit I am terrible at this!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 1:36pm

Now that my twins are 12, I let them handle the rspv situation when we have sleepovers/parties. In fact, on the rspv I put my name and my child, so either of us can be notified. I have my child check in with their invited friends to see if they're coming (and their friends are responsible enough to check with their parents to verify if they can attend).

It wouldn't bother me if a child had to leave a sleepover early. At one sleepover my daughter had a girl had to leave by 8 since they were flying to palm springs and another girl had to leave at 10 as it was the weekend she was supposed to go to her fathers home (custody agreement). The other two girls stayed until 2:00. I'm perfectly fine with that.

Lynn

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 1:40pm

Many people have no background in manners or French, so they think "RSVP" means "call if you *can't* make it." So I never use the term anymore. I write on the invitation, "Please call as soon as you receive this invitation to tell us whether you can or cannot make it." In spite of the faulty grammar usage, this usually works. People don't always call on time, but they do call. The night before is better than not at all.

Another trick I use for my kids' parties is to write only part of the information out and require them to call to receive the rest of it. (As in "Party at Abigail's house on June 10. Call for the time.") When they call for the time, you can find out who is actually coming. Works like a charm.

As far as sleepovers go, well, I hate them. In my experience, everyone gets up at about 6, and I am a monster the next day. I agree with you that the mom should have warned you, but in my house, those kids would have been up anyway. Not dressed, perhaps, but up. I haven't slept past 7 in about 10 years, so getting out of bed that early, while not pleasant on a weekend, wouldn't kill me. The day after a sleepover is a total waste anyway!

Avatar for 2boyz4us
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 1:41pm

I agree Laura. I wouldn't not have called the parent or be offended if the child had to leave early. I think asking her to go home early would have been rude and she truly would have missed the whole idea of the party which was the sleepover. I never expect to be able to sleep in when my kids have someone spend the night. I get up early enough to have myself presentable, and have breakfast under way when they get up. From my experiences, they never sleep very late anyway. When you have a group, one normally does wake up early and I expect that my kids will be tired the next day and so will I! If they all wake up early, then oh well, they are awake! They can always nap later or go to bed earlier that next night.

I do agree about the RSVP though-I have gone to doing Regrets Only which seems to a much easier system. But I do accept verbals from the kids to my kids at school especially by the time they that old.

 
Avatar for bradleyteach
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 5:38pm

Kelly, I fully believe that invitations should be responded to, and typically if someone does not rsvp, I assume that they are NOT coming.

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Avatar for 3togetready
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-1999
Sun, 02-18-2007 - 3:10am

I like the suggestion about the RSVP and regrets only. I think I will try that next time. My dd turned 10 last week and the girls told her at school they were coming. Only two moms called me. Well they all ended up coming which surprised me.

As for the sleep over (I hate sleepovers) my ds usually has sleepovers and his birthday is during soccer season. Someone is always having to leave early for a game and I have no problem with it. The kids are always up early anyway even if they go to sleep at 2:00am. I had a parent one year ask me to make sure they got to sleep at a decent time because her son got cranky if he stayed up late. I should have just said no but starting at about 11:00 I would ask them to go to bed. Then about every hour I would ask again. After a few times I just stopped. It's a sleepover and that doesn't mean they really have to sleep. LOL

Avatar for bradleyteach
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
Sun, 02-18-2007 - 8:52am

3togetready, I'm torn between LOL'ing and just shaking my head over the mom who asked you to make sure the kids got to bed at a decent time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 02-18-2007 - 5:07pm

Lack of rsvp'ing happens across the board. I can't stand it. I threw a wedding for my sil and people showed up who didn't rsvp! They managed to call and book hotels and rental cars, but they couldn't put the little card in the stamped envelope. They're the same ones who didn't give gifts either. I had to tell everyone in the family to eat last because these ingrates showed up without rsvp'ing.

Then a few weeks ago I had a baby shower for this same sil. I had 5 people call me and tell me they were coming, and then they didn't call to tell me they weren't coming. I could hardly believe how few people responded. I had no clue how much food to prepare.

I give my email, ph #'s and a date to rsvp by, and if I don't hear from them, I assume they aren't coming.

As far as the sleepovers... I've yet to see my kids sleep past 6:30/7 at one of these so I wouldn't be bothered by someone leaving early. I'd rather them leave leave early then one mom I know in particular who literally left her dd at my house for 5 days when she was initially only staying overnight. I figured the girl was probably better off with me anyway then with a mom who'd willingly leave a child for that long without clothes, money, etc.

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