Can anyone recommend a good book?

My DS is only 10, and we're "not there yet", but we are definitely in uncharted territory. He is my oldest (of 3) and as a firstborn myself I recognize a lot of his issues, but I am always wondering whether I am being too hard on him and expecting more than his is capable of at his age -- or whether I am missing my last golden opportunity to "mold his character" (yeah, sure) before he is off on his own.

A little background might help you recommend a book: we are unschoolers, and my kids have never been in school. We are spiritual but not religious. I've been married 13 years, and their dad who is pretty involved in their lives, and we have grandparents nearby. We are into attachment parenting and do not spank, but I am big on rules, logical consequences and taking responsibility for your actions. My 10 year old is academically gifted, which I am afraid makes us forget sometimes that a 10 year old is still a kid...

I miss the good old days when you could pick up a book about what you can expect from a baby/toddler at various ages.. I bet it's wishful thinking to hope there's such a thing for "big kids"...

any ideas?

Thanks in advance...

Kelly