Child terrified of me leaving

Avatar for hellokris2
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2003
Child terrified of me leaving
7
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 4:35pm
My eleven year old daughter is extremely anxious. She won't let me out of her sight for a moment. When I put her to bed she gets out several times to check that I am still there. She contantly thinks I am going to leave her. I have had many talks with her about this. I can't figure out why she feels this way. I often get mad and I think that it makes it worse. She then feels even more that I don't want to be with her. I am a normal person, I would never do anything horrible to my kids like leave them. I know I am not a perfect mom but honestly I can't figure out where this started let alone how to stop it. My behavior since it has started could change, I admot that. I am not patient about it. I feel like no privacy or alone time. She always wants to know where I am and what I am doing. Even if it's just that I am upstairs getting dressed. What can I do? How do I reassure her? How do I keep sane? Is this normal? Do we need to see a therapist!?!?! Help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2003
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 5:32pm
I think if the anxiety is such that it is interfering with her quality of life, and yours, that you might want to seek some professional help. Her doctor may have suggestions to ease her anxiety, or perhaps medication could help.

Linda


mom to Alex, Rachel, Matthew


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Linda
mom to
Alex (16), Rachel (14), Matthew (12)


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 6:22pm

I agree with Linda. I would be going to see her Dr. about it. Its not normal for an 11 year old to be that afraid. I mean I think all kdis have a little fear, even adults have that fear, but it doesn't rule their lives.


My counsin's daughter is very much like that. She is now 8 I think and since the day she was born has been fearful of her mother getting out of her site. And like your DD, for no apparent reason. She was never left alone or abandoned. When my cousin would go to the bathroom if her DD couldn't see her there would be wild screams. I found out that even now she gets extremely anxious if she is without her mother. She is somewhat better, she will stay with her Aunt and Grandmother, but that is it. So they started her seeing a school counsellor to deal with it because it was affecting her life. He has been helping her find coping mechanisms for her anxiety such as her Mom kissing her palm and her keeping it with her all day (although she will literally keep her hand clenced all day and not open it). So I think maybe speak to the Dr. first and perhaps her school could provide some guidance on getting her through this.


Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason to their fears, but there is help to get her through it. Sounds like its difficult for both of you as I can imagine never having any privacy gets annoying especially once they get past the toddler stage. I do think though that its a bit more than "normal" separation anxiety that many kids experience.

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Avatar for cathiann
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 9:08pm
I think she needs to see a psychiatrist too.
Surviving Middle & High School
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 11:33pm

I agree, I think it would be a good idea to consult her doctor!


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Registered: 09-01-2006
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 10:10am
my friends dd, age 10 has this same problem. She is seeing a therapist about it. Something triggered her having anxiety about having the lights out, doors locked, stuff like that.
I'd send your dd to someone. Please let us know how she is doing.
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Avatar for onehappymama
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 1:22pm
I can't offer anything new to say except that I agree with the others. Get her some help.
My best girl friends niece went through just about the same thing. I think she was around 10 when it started. (She also would not eat in front of other people) Her mom started taking her to a therapist. It took a little time, but she's fine now. (She's a freshman in high school) As a result, her mother went back to college & got her degree in some sort of theraphy. Sometimes kids get issues & it takes outside help to get them on the right track. There is nothing to be embarassed about.
((((hugs)))) to you & your daughter.
Avatar for bradleyteach
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 9:43pm

If she isn't able to rationalize or listen to reason, then, yes I believe you should consult a therapist.

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