Chores for 11 year old

My DD is 10.5 years old. I've taken it pretty easy on her up until this year, too. I expect her to clean up after herself (put dirty dishes in the sink or dishwasher, as appropriate, and rinse, put recyclables in the recycling bin, put dirty clothes in the laundry room, etc.). That's harder than it sounds, LOL! She was used to walking away from the breakfast table whenever she was done and dropping clothes wherever she decided to chuck them off. She's supposed to make her own bed, although she slips on that.

She knows it's her job to give food and water to the kitties, and to empty the dishwasher and put the clean dishes away. I wash and fold the clothes, she puts hers away (my way, not hers) in her closet and dresser. For the most part, it's going well, although I get "can I do it later????" a lot. Sometimes, it takes lots of "reminders" (that's a polite term for "nagging") and sometimes I have to say, "NOW, young lady!"

I've gotten more cooperation than I expected from my strong-willed daughter. I think that's because I'm a single parent and she's an only child -- I've pointed out that there's only the two of us here and we have to be a team. She's big enough now that it's her turn to pitch in and help, and that'll give Mom more time to do fun stuff with her instead of being grouchy about all the work that needs to be done.

One technique you could try: I've found that positive reinforcement works better with my daughter than punishment. When she does well, I give her praise. In the past, I've also used a reward system. She loves Beanie Babies, and when she accumulates enough "good girl points", she gets surprised with a new Beanie on her dresser. I don't assign specific points to specific tasks, I prefer to arrive at a time of my own determination when it seems like she's been extra-good. Beanies aren't for regular chores, they're for going above and beyond the normal call of duty, or for doing things she doesn't like to do (like homework) without being reminded and without whining (it takes about a week's worth of homework to earn a Beanie, not just one night). If your son likes Yu-Gi-Oh or baseball cards or HotWheels or something, you could try a rewards system -- maybe "good boy points" after a week's worth of whatever you think is his prickliest assignment.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

-- Steph

Exactly why I don't pay for doing "expected" chores. To me, they're not an option. I'm lucky in that Sam will do anything if I say there's no TV privileges until it's done, and Rachel is just pretty cooperative, or I say she can't go out to play until certain things are done. I do have to remind them about their responsibilities.

Thanks for posting the links to our other conversations on this. I'm sure I've posted my philosophy on this in at least one of those threads, and I don't have time for another long post!