conflict with friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
conflict with friends
4
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 5:02pm
I have a sticky situation on my hands.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 5:24pm

BTDT. I don't think you can say anything to the parents because no one wants to hear that they're doing a bad job raising their kid, and no matter what you actually say, that is what they'll hear. So focus on the child and on your boundaries.


You are within your rights to set some limits in your house. Even if the parents are there with their daughter, if she is being mean or breaking your rules, you can say, "In this house, everyone brings their plates to the counter when they are done" or "you had your turn, it's Sarah's turn now." This isn't correcting your friends' parenting, it is simply telling the child what is expected of her in your house.


Your kids need to know that you will be consistent and stand up for them. Your relationship with them is much more important than your relationship with your friend, so just thinking about that might help you get up the courage to lay down the law when you need to.


One good thing that might happen is that if your daughter gets sick of being mistreated, she will eventually distance herself from this girl. That's what happened to my daughter. She's now 13 and only occasionally sees the disloyal friend. Of course, I'm also not as close to her mom anymore, but I can live with that.

Avatar for bradleyteach
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
Wed, 06-25-2008 - 7:50am

Parents don't do their kids a favor when they allow them to behave in a way that makes other people not want to be around them, and by making excuses for this behavior.


Is the friendship worth putting up with this girl's behavior? What is going to happen when your daughter decides she does not want to hang out with this girl anymore and your friend wants to know why?

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Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Wed, 06-25-2008 - 1:02pm
Can you meet them in public places?

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

Avatar for sesamemom98
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-25-2008 - 1:27pm

ITA with the previous posts--you got some great advice.


Just one thing to add--just because you met a family with one child who was the stereotypical "only child" doesn't mean your daughter can't, or won't, eventually meet another friend, who might happend to be an only child, who is very well-behaved, polite & easy to get along with.

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