Confronting child and parents

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
Confronting child and parents
8
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 12:22pm

Okay guys,

I'm going to make a long story short. But, I want everyone's input.

I have an 11 year old son who, towards the begining of the school year, started being called gay. I didn't find out until 2 weeks ago. Appaerntly there is a child in my son's gym class who likes to be called gay. Well, my son was seated by him and was nice to him so he started being called gay. Of course, it extended out of gym class to other classes and other kids callling him gay.

As soon as I found out I taked to the gym teacher who moved the kid who claims he's gay away from my son hoping that would end it. I also taked to the principal and deputy at the school. They took it very seriously and solved the problem according to my son. My son was only able to give me 2 names of kids that he knew (most were older.)

The ringleader is new to the school this year and I just found out that we play him in baseball tonight. This is what I am going to do, let me know what you think.

When he and his parents get to the game tonight I am going to introduce myself and say that I am ----'s mom. "You know ----Don't you? He's the kid that you've been calling gay almost all year"

"I just want to talk tot you and your parents about a few things. #1 ---- is a human being and has feeling. #2 He is not gay. Period! #3 I wanted to talk to your parents about the way you have been treating my son the better part of this year. We have witnesses and I have talked to the pricipal, deputy ---- who says that it is sexual harrassment and we have no problem pursuing this further if need be.

All of the above is true.

My family has lost lots of sleep and tears over this. My sons grades started dropping and he wouldn't dress out in gym, that's how I found out about the problem.

So what do you all think? Am I doing the right thing? I get nervous just thinking about it, I am VERY non-confrantational. But when it comes to my son look out!!!!

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 12:47pm

HONESTLY---the game is not the time or place for a confrontation of sorts.


I am so sorry your DS has had to endure this all year!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 2:26pm

My .02

I agree with Laura. A game is not the place.
I would however start with the school. If this is not over then ask the principal to bring in those kids parents. Talk with them at school during a meeting and add the principal and who ever else you can. That way the school takes the responsibility of enforcing their rules before you have to. Then if it still out of hand then press charges. Just my opinnon thats it. Good Luck

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 3:44pm

I am so sorry that your son is being treated this way. It sucks and it's unnecessary. (((HUGS))


As a parent - regardless of my child's behavior- I'd take issue with you addressing my child in that manner. If you have a problem, talk to the adults; HIS PARENTS. I know how you feel as a mama bear....no one is safe; kids included but you gotta be objective!


I would also opt for a meeting at the school versus at a game. It's where the problem takes place and it shows the parents that you have a VALID documented concern and you went thru the proper channels to address it; to no avail. You also have the backing of the school officials and EVERYTHING is official. No room for underhandedness or false accusations.


Good Luck with that and more (((((((HUGS)))))))








iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 4:21pm

Thanks guys!!!

I know, I know I sound like a horrible person. If I were on the outside looking in I would say the exact same things you guys are saying. It's just when your kid's grades all of a sudden start dropping, he's having anxiety, wanting to sleep in our bedroom it is so painful. I just know before the game tonight I will have the opportunity to talk to him and his parents together and explain that my son does have feelings. My son has been at this school since 2nd grade and now all of a sudden he has kids that he's known for year taunting him and calling him gay, all because he is kind to a kid who claims to be gay.

It has been torture, I almost feel like telling my son to be bad and to threaten and curse. It's so hard. I have a kind, sensitive son and he's getting bullied because of it.

Please don't think I'm terrible it is just soooo hard.

Thanks!!!

Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 8:49pm
I don't think anyone thinks you are horrible, we understand. I would be defending my kids as well. But, the game is not a good place. ((Hugs)) to you and your ds.

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 9:34pm

Oh sweetie your not a terrible person, your a MOM!!!!!!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 8:11am
You may not get the reaction you are hoping for. A baseball game is not the place to have a conversation regarding your boys. They may well be very nice people. Perhaps you should chat with them about other things. You could mention that the boys go to school together and leave it at that. Build a relationship with them so if necessary in the future you could discuss this with them.
People don't like to think their kids are mean spirited so if you go over and introduce yourself and then start verbally attacking their son they are likely to think your DS is lying or that you are a little off center.
Good luck,
Kelly
Avatar for bradleyteach
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 10:58am

I'm so sorry that your son went through this.

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