Is this considered a date?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Is this considered a date?
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:48am

I have a 10 yr old daughter who was asked by a boy in her class if they could go see a movie together. I don't know what to tell my daughter. I am not sure if this is considered a date. She doesn't understand why I will let her go with David(longtime family friends) but not another boy. My daughter thinks of David as a boyfriend (they have talked about marrying each other since they were very little!) so she thinks if it's ok to go to the movies with David I should let her go woth the other boy. Now on the other hand my daughter also has another boy that she is very good friends with, she considers him one of her best friends. So she does alot with him church, adn and I have taken my daughter and other friends places including the other boy that she is best friends with. Am I making any sense??!! I guess my main concern is that since this boy ASKED her to go and he's not a part of the normal friend group does it make it different? We have known this little boy since 2nd grade, he actually had a crush on my daughter when they were in 3rd grade, so now 5th grade is here and he seems interested in her again. What should I do? And do you think I should let her go??

Thanks for all opinions! Jodie

Jodie....working mom to Hannah, Ryan, and Holly!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:42am
My daughter is ten and in fifth grade also. She has a boy *Alex* who has been her "Boyfriend" in second and third grade. He moved away in fourth and returned this year. I like this boy VERY much and think my daughter has wondeful taste! BUT I would not allow her to go anywhere with *Alex*. His Mother would not permit it either. Fifth grade is just not the time for boy/girl things. Girls are just barely working out their issues with other need to throw boys into the mix.

She has a friend (a boy) who has been her friend since birth. THAT is different, but even with them, we go out as a group parents and kids. I have even stopped leaving the two of them alone together.

In our home she can date at 16...I MAY consider 15, but I will have to see how I feel when she is 15.

Avatar for cl_janetlh
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 1:15pm
I think this is a tough one, and it really depends on so many things. First of all, is a parent going along? I wouldn't allow my children to go to the movies without an adult, regardless of the gender of their friend. Also, is his intention "a date", and does your dd see it as "a date"? My dd has male friends, and not just boys she's known forever. We were planning a b'day outing and told Sam and Rachel (11yo twins) they could each choose one friend to invite. Rachel was going to invite a boy she became good friends with this year. She does not consider him a boyfriend, and does not have a crush on him. We didn't end up scheduling this outing, but I would have let her invite him. I saw it as arbitrary that the friend she could pick *had* to be a girl. She has always had friends of both genders.

While I don't allow dating at this age, and think it's inappropriate, it is not inappropriate to have friends that are both the same and the opposite gender. I would hate to discourage this thinking. I never hated boys or was uncomfortable with them growing up, and I'm glad my kids are comfortable with both boys and girls and play with both.

Just my 2 cents, of course!

Good to see you again, Jodie!



Jewish Family Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 12:10am
I'm with Janet, it would depend on how your daughter perceives this movie outing and whether or not they would be chaperoned. My 10 (soon to be 11 yo) son doesn't go to the movies alone or with a friend (male or female) unless there is an adult present. IMO he's too young and there are too many potential problems in a theater for me to be comfortable on his own right now.

Best Always,


Sherrie Rainbow