"Dad never spends time with me"

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Registered: 02-12-1998
"Dad never spends time with me"
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 11:54am
My 10 year old ds has been saying this for awhile, does yours? My dh works everynight until about 7:00, so he doesn't get to spend alot of time during the week with the kids. But when he gets home he always talks, or sometimes their doing their own thing.

He's the kind of Dad who really trys to balance doing stuff with the kids and his responsibilities, although he's not the type to completely just hang out with them like me. My son was complaining last night as he was heading to bed that Dad never spends enough time with us on the weekends, he's just playing on the computer. He is on the computer during the week, but it's usually work or paying bills, not playing. I said, oh yeah, who took you to the IU basketball game Saturday night? He said, Okay, but he never just plays basketball with us outside. I said, "oh yeah, who took you and your brother to the JCC for an hour to shoot baskets on Sunday". That stopped him and he said, "Yeah, but that's just once in awhile".

Now granted, I think my dh should probably spend a bit more of his time on the weekend with them, but he has things he wants to needs to do, also. He doesn't neglect them, although a bit more time would be nice. He works so hard, I'm not about to rag on him about this.

Ugh. How much time does your dh spend with the kids? Do your kids complain, also? Dh goes to all their sports games and helps them practice to get ready. He does stuff.


Avatar for suzyk2118
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Registered: 07-30-1997
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 12:19pm
Oh, yeah. DH's hobby is ham radio/electronics, and he's more often than not fixing that type of equipment for his buddies/fellow hams (most are OLD (75+), so he feels compelled to help them). So sure, ds11 will often complain that Dad doesn't spend time with him; he'll say dh'd rather be with his buddies or in the basement with the equipment.

So dh got ds to take the Radio merit badge and now ds is starting to like ham radio... Plus dh took time the last couple of nights to play a brief game with ds (under 1/2 hour) when the homework was done. Little efforts like that seem to suffice; he's NOT expecting hours on end (like we moms put in! LOL). It's just that he wants to see a consistent effort, and with work and chores and such, it's just not as consistent/frequent as ds would like (yet somehow I manage to do that...hmm...). But he knows he cares...


Avatar for cl_janetlh
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 12:54pm

This is a great question! My dh is actually pretty available to the kids. He does his other stuff - chores and interests- when the kids are busy doing something else. He gets home around 6:30 (when he's not working late or out of town ;-) He's available to the kids up until they go to bed. This usually means playing with them for a while, but they also watch TV for a bit after dinner, so dh can do other stuff then.

They do value Dad-time, though. If dh is cleaning up the dishes after dinner, Rachel will help him so that he'll be free to play sooner! Does she ever do that with me? Of course not, LOL!

On weekends, again, we tend to be available to the kids and get our chores done around that. Our issue right now is more coming up with things we all want to do together! We've been in a not-doing-much rut lately for a number of reasons. I know the spring weather will put a spark back into us!


Jewish Family Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 3:56pm

No, we don't hear that in our home.

Sherrie Rainbow