Dating???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Dating???
40
Sat, 09-15-2007 - 10:08pm

Hi Ladies,


DD turning 14 in November is starting to have a lot of boys ask her out. I knew it would happen soon because i see the admiring glances she gets from boys her age and much older. She is quite petite for her age but she has filled out in all the right places. I have even had women comment to me on her build, she does not flaunt it she usually wears jeans and t-shirts or sweaters but definitely nothing revealing.


Anyway, there is a boy that she likes. She asked if she could go to the movies with him and i let her go but i drove her there and picked her up. She said they had a lot of fun and chatted quite a bit through out the movie. I waited in the car for her for about 10 minutes until his mom arrived to pick him up and then he walked her to the car. He seemed like a nice boy, he opened doors for her and he didn't even try to hold her hand.


I had my first boyfriend at her age and it was very innocent and sweet but she seems so young. I am just thrilled that she is talking to me about her feelings because she is normally very private but she has really opened up.


I know i can trust her completely, she knows her boundaries and she has a very good head on her shoulders. So i guess my question is at what age would you allow your daughter to date?


Thanks,


Kelly

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kellyh33
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 10:37am

I don't have a firm age. I did tell my DD come back to me at 14 and we will discuss. (I firmly told her that 11 year olds DO NOT DATE!). 14 here and she will be in highschool, Grade 9, that is pretty much I think an acceptable age. I agree with what you did, drop them off, pick them up, just watch it carefully. I would prefer they go out in groups perhaps but that is no guarantee of anything either. I would just discourage the kind of 24/7 stuff kids can get caught up in and also encourage her to cultivate her friendships with her girlfriends and not get locked into an exclusive relationship. I personally think its okay for kids to date but it should be a well rounded social life, not ONLY one boy they see, but girlfriends, other guy friends, etc.


So if you are comfortable with this boy I'd say that's your call. As I said, just be aware of what they are doing and keep her horizons wide at this point.

Photobucket  

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2004
In reply to: kellyh33
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 11:53am
I don't have a hard and fast rule.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kellyh33
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 12:09pm

I don't have any rules, but dating as your daughter is doing, at age 14, sounds fine to me and I would allow it.

 

Avatar for bradleyteach
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
In reply to: kellyh33
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 12:21pm

I don't have a specific age rule, it depends on the kids and the situation.

<CENTER><A href="http://www.youngsurvival.org/"><IMG src="http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y23/jennt1111/mindy2.jpg"></A>


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
In reply to: kellyh33
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 2:59pm
I would never let my daughter date at 14. I have very strong opinions about this, so read this at your own risk. I started dating at 15. Do you realize boys are only after one thing at this age?? I don't care how nice he is, he just wants her for one thing, IMO. I would be ok with just talking at school, but never alone together at a movie. It's dark in a movie and they could hide out and do anything. I tell my girls to concentrate on school and friends and just be friends with boys...no dating.
My life was basically ruined in a number of different emotional ways because i became involved with boys at 15. I married one of them at 22, we are now divorced and my kids are paying the price for my stupidity of thinking a relationship that starts at 15 would last!
I think moms today are way too permissive with dating at a young age. Once girls start being so involved with boys, that's all they think about and worry about. They have their whole life to be involved with a boy, and 14 is way too young and immature.
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2007
In reply to: kellyh33
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 3:04pm
A public place, like a dark movie theater, allows them to hide out and do all kinds of things without anyone noticing.
Ladies, i would hope all of you would re-think this and realize 14 is way too young!
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kellyh33
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 3:43pm

I've heard of teens having sex in the public bathroom at the library. So it doesn't have to be dark for them to have sex. It happened in my highschool in the changerooms 25 years ago, so I don't think anything has changed much. When kids want to do something they find away, including lying to parents about their whereabouts. So I agree, be cautious but when the time comes it may well be out of our hands.


I also think that to tar all 14 year old boys with the same brush, that they only want sex is unfair. And there are plenty of girls that age who want sex too. We seem to have the double standard that young girls don't want to do it, don't enjoy it and only do it for the boys sake, but I think that is doing our girls a diservice. They are sexual beings too and while USUALLY sex and emotions are more closely interwined for them, its not always the case.


I sincerely hope my DD waits until she is much older to have sex and I convey my feelings to her on the subject but I know eventually it will be her decision as a young adult and I will have to live with that, as will she.

Photobucket  

Avatar for bradleyteach
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
In reply to: kellyh33
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 3:57pm

Kim, you are certainly entitled to your opinion and to make decisions for your children that you feel are appropriate.

<CENTER><A href="http://www.youngsurvival.org/"><IMG src="http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y23/jennt1111/mindy2.jpg"></A>


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2006
In reply to: kellyh33
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 4:47pm
I'm soooo not ready for the dating scene!
Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2004
In reply to: kellyh33
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 6:14pm
Not everyone who begins dating at 14 or 15 feels it ruins their life. Everyone is different and we all bring our own perspectives to parenting, but such generalized statements about boys only wanting one thing is just not fair. Certainly it's not fair to those of us who are raising boys to be young men. I dated at 14 and believe me neither the boy or I was ready to have sex. Just holding hands in public was a big step for our relationship. One of my best friends started dating her husband when she was 13, they were together for 22 years, until he passed away at the young age of 37 this past year. They had a wonderful marriage, and three great kids, starting to date at a young age does not mean you will be ruining your life.
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photobucket - Video and Image HostingPhotobucket - Video and Image HostingPhotobucket - Video and Image Hosting Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photobucket

Pages