Dating ... in 6th Grade?

Avatar for keke0116
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Dating ... in 6th Grade?
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 8:02am
Kevin (11) started middle school last week. Kevin is very bright, in gifted classes, athletic (on 2 baseball teams + karate,) loves to fish and hunt and antagonize his little sister ... and although he is really quite good-looking, he doesn't realize that ... but as far as maturity goes, I'd say he's on the low side of the scale. He is not interested in girls, other than as 'friends' and seems totally clueless when it comes to dating and relationships, which is totally fine with me 'cause I'M certainly NOT ready for that at all.

But, Kelli (my 7 y.o.) was playing with a friend the other day who's older brother goes to school with Kevin and is Kevin's friend, and she came home and told me that the friend's mom had to drop off 3 boys at the mall to meet 3 girls to go to a movie. One of the boys is Kevin's best friend. The girls in question are Kelli's cheerleading coaches ... and a full year older than the boys. And, I know ONE YEAR doesn't make a big difference, but I think that a year in middle school DOES make a big difference. Girls generally mature faster anyway. I ran into the friend's mom at the grocery store yesterday, and I asked her about it ... and she said that this past summer was the summer of discovering girls for her DS. (He also has an older sister entering high school this year, so I guess that shouldn't surprise me.) She also thinks it's odd that the girls want to be with the boys. I'm thinking that perhaps the girls aren't quite as socially savvy as their 7th grade counterparts and are more comfortable with the less experienced 6th graders or something.

But, I find the whole thing unsettling. I can't even imagine Kevin having a phone conversation with a girl ... although everyone keeps telling me to 'watch out' ... Kevin is really nice looking and HE may not realize it, but the girls will soon, and the phone will start ringing.

OMG ... is this really happening at this age?

OK, I do remember having 'boyfriends' when I was 10-11 years old, but we didn't actually 'GO' anywhere. Dropping off at a mall to go to a movie ... that is a date, don't you think? Is this really what is happening at this age? Or is this more of an isolated incident?



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Avatar for suzyk2118
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Registered: 07-30-1997
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 10:00am
It seems to totally depend on the parents around here. DS11 wants nothing to do with girls (other than talk at school or on the bus ride home, still sitting with a boy!), and that's great with us. Yet some of his classmates have 'dated' for over a year now, going to each other's houses, doing chat rooms all the time, etc. I'd never permit that, even at 11 now (and he's fine with that). He saw one particular male classmate the other day at middle school ('locker day'; they get to put stuff in lockers; school starts tomorrow) who was going up to girls in the hallway and giving them a hug and telling them how much he likes them... I hope the staff won't permit that on normal days! He found this display of affection 'weird'. I said well, Andrew's just girl crazy. He rolled his eyes and shrugged. Andrew's parents have actually persuaded him to do this since the end of 4th grade!! They think it's cute. OTOH, ds's close friends are like him; they never even like talking to each other on the phone, and they're all boys! Not into email or chat rooms either. I hope it stays that way for a while...and that he isn't steered by peer pressure to change...too early!


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 10:21pm
Gosh, I hope it was an isolated incident!! Otherwise, I'm going to need to sleep with the light on tonight - too scary imo. Sean's been telling us for a couple years that he has girlfriends, but what he really meant was that he thought they were cute. He rarely talked to them at school and never once school was out for the day. At the end of this past school year however he wrote some love poems to a girl. He said he wanted to give them to her in case she moved and he wouldn't see her at school next year. He didn't give them to her; he'll see her when school starts. While he appears to be ready to admit his love on paper - he doesn't seem ready to take it to the next level in person. I'm thrilled and would prefer that he stay at his current level until oh, I don't know - 20. I know that's wishful thinking but a mom can hope. LOL

So yes, it is happening at this age - thankfully it sounds like Kevin (and Sean) are unaware for the most part. I'm hoping that my son's acute embarrassment when discussing or talking to girls and general lack of social skills at times will be enough to thwart interest in him for a while longer (LOL).

FWIW, I don't plan on allowing Sean on anything but big group dates until he's at least 16. I'm trying to decide if our children's puberty is harder than our own - right now I'm still undecided.

Best Always,


Sherrie Rainbow