Desperately need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2003
Desperately need advice
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 6:09pm
I am a stepmom to an 11-yr old boy. We have had full custody since he was 2 years old, at which time his mom decided she didn't want to be a full-time parent. Since about the age of 6 he has been bombarded with his mom wanting him to live with her and that the only reason he can't is because of his father. She brought a custody suit about two and a half years ago and lost, but continues to discuss with Aaron about him living with her. She lives about three hours from us and sees him about once a month, alternating holidays, and summer. Her house is somewhat of a fairy tale in that there are no chores, no homework, no rules. He is the complete center of attention and gets mostly anything he wants. Here is where I really need advice. He recently told his dad that he wants to live with his mom. His attitude and demeaner have been changing in a very negative direction and he frequently seems miserable here. My husband is incredibly torn with what to do. He struggles over it constantly and feels like he is always the bad guy, as he is made out to be. What to do? Let him go or not? It is beginning to destroy our family life and both my husband and I feel like we will have failed if we let him go to an environment that probably isn't the best in the world. He won't be in danger or anything like that, just issues like poor nutrition(junk food/fast food) and too much TV/inappropriate TV. Any advice you have on the situation would be most helpful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 1:42pm

Here is an idea that might work. Tell him that in the summer he can go and spend the entire summer at his mom's house. I am betting that once he relizes that if he is there all the time he won't be the center of attetion for long and that chores and such will be expected. We were going to let my 10 year old ds do this last summer. He ended up not doing it, but only because of personal issues his father was having at the time.


I'll hold my head high
I'll never let this define
The light in my eyes
Love myself, give it Hell
I'll take on t

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 4:17pm

Hello and welcome.

Sherrie Rainbow

Avatar for cl_janetlh
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 3:31pm

Welcome to our board! I agree with the suggestions already given. There are also a couple of other boards here at Parent Soup that might be helpful to you:


Ask the divorce and step-family specialist:

I'm glad you jumped in and posted with us. Hope to see you here often!


Jewish Family Life