This friend has got to go . . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
This friend has got to go . . . .
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 4:14pm

How do you handle it when your pre-teen has a less than desireable "friend"?

Sherrie Rainbow

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 2:25pm
Matthew has(had) a friend who he liked because this kid's parents would buy him (the kid, not Matthew!) any Magic card he wanted, even if it was megabucks (yes, they have megabucks). One time he went to the kid's house and they were taken to the local upscale ice cream parlor after school because the nanny wanted them to! His grandma lives in the house of an ex-Cardinals baseball player, with pool and tennis court; Matthew got to go over to enjoy the facilities one day/overnight. So he was enamored with the whole scenario.

However, the kid has an awful mouth. He's mean. He puts kids down. He put MY kid down while sleeping over at our house! I said that's it - J can be a friend while you're at school, but I really don't want you going to his house, or vice versa (obviously if another friend happens to have him over, I'm not going to prevent my son from going along; not that extreme!). Matthew actually was somewhat relieved, and doesn't even associate with him at school, where he has the choice. That one overnight at our house was enough 'proof' for him that we were right about J, and he decided he didn't need that type of 'friend' anyway. Good luck!


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-1998
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 12:49pm
I would just limit your child's exposure to this friend. You carpool with them, but that doesn't mean that he has to be invited over. I would make other suggestions when your child wants someone over. Is he a next door neighbor or someone that your ds has lots of contact with on a daily basis? I wouldn't cut the ties altogether, but make it difficult for them to be together. I wouldn't discuss what you are doing with him either.

Over time, little by little, he may just not want to hang with him


Avatar for cl_janetlh
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 8:31pm

I know kids like you're talking about. I've just talked to Sam and Rachel about not accepting things their friends say as "the truth", and to ask me about stuff that doesn't seem quite right to them. I tell them that kids (and adults!) don't always know as much as they seem to, and you have to take some expertise with a grain of salt.

Other than car pool, does Sean spend a lot of time with him? You can always limit how much you invite this child over to your house, and encourage Sean to invite others instead.

I've used your strategy in the car - I stick in my 2 cents only when I can't take the misinformation anymore!


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