Grandparents spoiling my child, HELP!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Grandparents spoiling my child, HELP!!!
3
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 7:45pm
Hi! First of all, I have 3 kids, daughter 10, Daughter 9, & son 3. My 10 year old has a different father & his parents have completely spoiled my daughter. She can not visit them for even 5 hours without getting gifts. Last time she got a My Scene doll with motor scooter, Bratz calculator, & barbie Uno card game. This was 2 weeks ago & her birthday is in 5 weeks. They buy her season passes to Disney & take her about 8 times or more a year. This is getting very difficult to handle, considering we can't afford to take the other two. (We finally went this past weekend & she felt we should go where ever she wanted to go, having no feelings that it was my sons first time & her sisters 3 time in 4 years) When at Disney they buy her 17.00 hats, 7.00 pins, dolls, charms & charm bracelet. All of this stuff ends up on her bedroom floor or shoved in a corner with trash. She has absolutely no respect for things, or people. I think she hates her sister. She is so completely mean to her. And her sister is a very loving & caring & sensitive little girl. She isn't at all jealous of her older sister, which is very shocking. But my mother feels guilty for her because she doesn't get gifts constantly. So she feels she has to take my 9 year old shopping for clothes, even though she can't afford it, as she just survived cancer & is completey in debt. I have told them not to buy her things except for holidays. But they just don't get how bad it is here. (we live 2 hours away) She doesn't have good close friends, she's too bossy, and too uncaring.

I told my husband that I need to stop the trips to Disney, & gifts, but he says that it won't help, she's already who she is.

I feel it can be stopped & can change. I want her to earn things & feel the sense of accomplishment of getting something she wants. They just give her money & wait on her hand & foot. I need to do something now!!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 4:24pm

Hello and welcome!!

Sherrie Rainbow

Avatar for cl_janetlh
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 8:28pm
Welcome! ITA with Sherrie's post, just wanted to add my welcome. Please visit often, and let us know what happens with this issue.

Janet


Jewish Family Life

Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 8:30am
The problem with blending families is that you do have so many outside forces that push their way in. I think that it would be very fair to meet without your dd, and discuss things with them. (By the way, where and how does her father feel about this?) They may not have thought things through that far. My il shower our kids with stuff, all the time, just because the kids exsist. We have asked and asked to cut down on stuff, but it hasn't made a dent. At least these people are willing to spend time with her, my il just give stuff. I would be so greatful that these people would want dd in their lives. I am sure they want to show the love they have for her, and really have not thought about the effect on the rest of the family. As a child from a broken home, I wouldn't advise trying to keep them from her tough, it may backfire on you. I still am mad at my mom's manipulations almost 25 years ago. Her attitudes at home about stuff, and her family is something you can work on. Part of it is her personality, and you can't change that, but how she treats her sister and stuff, you can change. I have my 10 dd write apoligy notes if she is mean to people. I have her write out the 10 commandments, and an essay explaining what commandments she broke when she's mean to me, her stuff or her brother. By writing things down, it has helped her see how her attitudes have effected the family. I also take things awayfrom my kids. I have a rule, anything on the floor is mine. I require my kids to keep their rooms picked up enough so I can vacuum, anything on the floor goes into the garbage or into my stash. If the kids want the item back, they have to do an extra chore to get it back. It really has worked prettywell here. I wish you luck with this tricky situation.

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!