Hot Topic...have you lost yourself?

Avatar for nodinero
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Hot Topic...have you lost yourself?
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Mon, 08-28-2006 - 6:42pm

So I watched a very interesting Oprah today about how some women lose who they are after marriage and children. It started with Lance Armstrong's ex talking about how she focused more on her engagement ring than preparing her heart for the journey after the ceremony. Another thing she mentioned was how she was so eager to be the perfect mother, wife and homemaker that little by little she lost who she was prior to her marriage. One day she made a comment about how she was very opinionated and her ex said, "you?" That was her epihany because before marriage she was vocal, independant, had her own likes and dislikes that didn't pertain to her kids and husband.


So the question to debate is, have you lost your true self and become what society says you should as a wife and mother or do you feel that you have remained true to yourself and are still basically the same person but have incorporated your new roles?

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 7:44pm

I don't think I have. Yes, most of my life revolves around my child, but I wonder if my career has managed to keep me a bit centred. As I've aged I've come more into my own. I'm quite sure now of what is important to me, much moreso than when I was young. Then I was more likely to go with the flow and agree with things I didn't really feel. (hence a marriage that really shouldn't have been, but I'm glad I did it because I have a great child as a result) Some of my own interests are temporarily submerged while my primary focus is being a single Mom, but that' doesn't mean I don't have those same interests. When my DD gets older and has more of her own life, I'll be able to pick up those interests and follow my plans more again.


But no, I don't feel that I've lost myself, however I might have answered different 15 years ago. Being a single Mom and making that decision forced me to look hard at what is important to me, where my priorities and values lay and move ahead with my life. I think coasting along it is much harder to do that. So I guess it was a good thing.


Great question Sylvia.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 8:21pm

Excellent question!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 9:03pm

Wow, I wish I has this topic say about four years ago.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 11:03am
I saw that show.
C2

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Avatar for nodinero
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Registered: 06-01-2005
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 11:10am
Gross Picture! LOL! It made me cringe!

 

 

         Sylvia-Pet-Sig.jpg

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 11:13am

Good question......


Yes, I did. I lost myself utterly and completely in my kids and husband. Everything I did and didn't do revolved around them.

Avatar for cathiann
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 12:51pm
No, I haven't.
Surviving Middle & High School
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Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 1:40pm

I watched this last night!


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Avatar for bradleyteach
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Registered: 06-29-2001
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 3:07pm

Have I lost me?

<CENTER><A href="http://www.youngsurvival.org/"><IMG src="http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y23/jennt1111/mindy2.jpg"></A>


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 4:09pm

Definatly... but then I am have been going through long drawn out mid-life crisis for the past few years and can't seem to get past it. I just keep blaming it on my kids. You know how that goes. "Well the kids take up so much of my time. They really need me at home right now."

Reality is I haven't really worked in the past few years, or done much for myself. (Although I have traveled a bit. Can't complain about my trip to Italy last year.) I have done some consulting from home. Honestly I am not at all sure what I want to do next, but I am NOT interested in going back to what I was doing before. I was a computer programer and that thrill has really gone from that job. For a number of reasons, one being my priorities and others being how the industry it'self has changed.

It's hard for me to even be honest about this to my friends and relations. Most of the reason I don't work currently is because I honestly don't have anything I am really commited to enough to distrupt my family life. When I work, life gets so crazy and stressful. I hate getting myself and my family stressed out about a job that I don't feel really matters. My DH honestly LOVES his job and it's perfect for him. With him as a model it's hard to be satisfied with less.

I keep telling myself that I can find other things to be involved in that don't involve the kids or working for pay. But it doesn't really help. I am not sure if this has to do with being married and having kids or not. I have been married now for 17 years and I married "young" (at least for my social group) and not sure I remember much about what I was like before. If I hadn't had kids I know I would have been doing something entirely different now.


Sara, IVTimothy
Diana (Sara 11 yrs, Timothy 7 yrs)

Sara, IVTimothy

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