Duh, posted in the wrong spot. NOW I can answer properly.
For us Thanksgiving comes way before Christmas which I think is better. Gives you more of a break. I guess I am fortunate in that I don't live near my family. (Although unfortunate in a way.) But there is no pressure on me to visit 101 people between Dec. 23 and 26, I don't have a ton of parties to go to with people who I only see once a year and we all pretend we care. So I just do whatever WE want to do. I love it because I take off time between Christmas and New Year's (don't think I've ever been denied) and I spend that time with my DD. We do whatever we want whenever we want. Its totally US time. So for me its something to look forward to and while I do wish my parents could be closer, after 13 years of "just us" I kind of like it now. Even my ex comes over on Christmas eve till Christmas day, but I'm glad when he leaves after dinner.
I think to avoid the frenzied hassles you simply have to sit down and say what is important to me. To some people that means the church and celebrating the religious aspects of Christmas and toning down the secular stuff. For some like me it means reconnecting with my DD and simply taking a break from the hussle and bustle that is life as a single Mom. For others it may very well be all the running around and visiting and gift buying and they couldn't imagine life without it. But I think you have to be true to your own values and those of you family and when you stand up for that (and yes, some people will balk, people don't like change) you will feel good about it in the long run. If you explain to the people you are close to why you are making the changes, they should be understanding and look for ways to fit their needs with yours. As for the others? Well, too bad, its YOUR life and you have to live it the way you see best.
If you are stressed and not enjoying it your family will know. You can't really fake joy. So its in the best interest of your kids and your DH to figure out what WILL make you happy and then follow through. You could have a family meeting and ask everyone what is the 3 most important things about Christmas to you? What things, if you skipped them, would simply mean its not Christmas? What things would you like to try you've never had the chance to? Then follow through. Maybe you won't make a 100% change this year, but start with one thing. Do you HATE baking cookies? Then skip it, buy them, you are likely the only one who cares? Don't like to decorate? Tone it down and only do a few things? Will anyone notice? I find too often we are caught up in doing things because we think that everyone else wants it and needs it when in reality they don't really care, its just there.
The only way to feel better about the holiday season is to change it. And only you can do that. Your parents, kids, husband, friends are likely clueless that you aren't enjoying every minute of it. So start making those changes and bring the joy back because it can truly be a wonderful time of the year (to quote some old guy). :-)
Basically, I cave in to everyone else's (at least family members) wants, wishes, and demands. Leading to a total collapse on or about December 26th and a very crabby holiday season. I posted about this a little while ago on the "who's cooking Thanksgiving dinner" thread. My grandmother's self-esteem is heavily invested in being able to show us how much she loves us by giving us "stuff" at Christmas and I drag my family to her house and church as a result. Her church practices CLOSED communion which means my family and I are NOT included and I have a real problem with that. I've thought about having Christmas in my own house and at my own church several times but I always get the "but what if it's grandma's last Christmas" feeling. She'd give my mom an earful if I didn't show up and my mom would give it to me. I'm not sure it's worth the emotional expense. Some day I will have my own Christmas and my kids will wake up in their own house Christmas morning.
I try to do my best to keep my stress level down my spreading out spending, errands, etc over several months and not a few weeks. I've also accepted the fact that I'm not the Martha Stewart that my mom is and focus on having a good time with my kids and helping them have happy holiday memories. I've also made my expectations a little more realistic. My house will never look like a glossy picture from one of the gazillion Christmas magazines at the grocery store but I'll do my best to make it happy, warm, and to help my children understand the meaning of Christmas.
I'm also having a tough time with the holidays because I feel Christmas is getting squeezed out. The kids are supposed to learn about Kwanza, Hannukah, and Eid but I'm not supposed to say Merry Christmas? They're taught Kwaanza and Hannukah songs but not Jingle Bells, Winter Wonterland, or Frosty the Snowman. If I say anything about it, I'm racist or anti-Semitic. I went to the book fair at school tonight and Hannukah got twice as much table space as Christmas. I'm not saying all holidays shouldn't be celebrated. In fact, I'm saying ALL holidays should be acknowledged. I hope I'm not offending anyone. I certainly don't mean to. I just want my kids to feel as comfortable celebrating their holidays as I did growing up. My almost 10-year-old wants a bar mitzvah..... :s
May Advent be a time of warmth, joy, and peace for those of you who celebrate it. A happy holiday season to those of you who observe other holidays...
"Some day I will have my own Christmas and my kids will wake up in their own house Christmas morning."
I just hope that you're kids aren't in their 30's and dragging their kids to your house and wishing just once they could sleep in their own beds. Those tough old broads can live for years. When its a closed communion I don't see the point of going (but not being religious I don't get the background to that stuff). You're kids are growing quickly and unless Grandma is on her death bed (and it doesn't sound like it) you are going to have to make the move soon to stand up for your needs. Respect your elders yes, but your kids and your husband should come first in your life.
We made a stand early in our married life. At first we switched families for thanksgiving, but then started going exclusively to my family's for thanksgiving since it was never really celebrated my dh's family. Once my son was 2 we decided he would thereafter celebrate christmas in his own home. Anyone was welcome to join us and my parents decided to come to our house (4 hrs from everyone else) and they stay for christmas eve, which we do up formally, and then they leave after present opening and breakfast and spend the afternoon & evening with my other siblings. My sil leaves nearby and she comes over christmas day and they stay for dinner.
My inlaws never choose to come and they got into what a previous poster said about pleasing the elders. Well that old bird is not going anywhere and they missed out on the holidays with their grandchildren for 12 years now. All to please their parents.
This year we are staying home for thanksgiving and dh's family is supposedly coming along with grandma.
I've already bought a lot of presents and what I haven't gotten I pretty much know what I want to get. We scaled way back on who we exchange with by drawing names on one side, and our kids exchanging with their cousins on the other.
We'll decorate after thanksgiving and all the christmas presents go to my office where I try and wrap as they come in.
A few years ago I decided it really stressed me out to do christmas cards and they weren't really my thing. I stopped doing it and it's a huge relief.
I'm usually done with christmas errands by early december and then we can enjoy our time at home, baking cookies, relaxing & enjoying the season without the hustle bustle. My dd still loves our nativity and we enjoy the christmas cantata and christmas eve service at church.
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Duh, posted in the wrong spot. NOW I can answer properly.
For us Thanksgiving comes way before Christmas which I think is better. Gives you more of a break. I guess I am fortunate in that I don't live near my family. (Although unfortunate in a way.) But there is no pressure on me to visit 101 people between Dec. 23 and 26, I don't have a ton of parties to go to with people who I only see once a year and we all pretend we care. So I just do whatever WE want to do. I love it because I take off time between Christmas and New Year's (don't think I've ever been denied) and I spend that time with my DD. We do whatever we want whenever we want. Its totally US time. So for me its something to look forward to and while I do wish my parents could be closer, after 13 years of "just us" I kind of like it now. Even my ex comes over on Christmas eve till Christmas day, but I'm glad when he leaves after dinner.
I think to avoid the frenzied hassles you simply have to sit down and say what is important to me. To some people that means the church and celebrating the religious aspects of Christmas and toning down the secular stuff. For some like me it means reconnecting with my DD and simply taking a break from the hussle and bustle that is life as a single Mom. For others it may very well be all the running around and visiting and gift buying and they couldn't imagine life without it. But I think you have to be true to your own values and those of you family and when you stand up for that (and yes, some people will balk, people don't like change) you will feel good about it in the long run. If you explain to the people you are close to why you are making the changes, they should be understanding and look for ways to fit their needs with yours. As for the others? Well, too bad, its YOUR life and you have to live it the way you see best.
If you are stressed and not enjoying it your family will know. You can't really fake joy. So its in the best interest of your kids and your DH to figure out what WILL make you happy and then follow through. You could have a family meeting and ask everyone what is the 3 most important things about Christmas to you? What things, if you skipped them, would simply mean its not Christmas? What things would you like to try you've never had the chance to? Then follow through. Maybe you won't make a 100% change this year, but start with one thing. Do you HATE baking cookies? Then skip it, buy them, you are likely the only one who cares? Don't like to decorate? Tone it down and only do a few things? Will anyone notice? I find too often we are caught up in doing things because we think that everyone else wants it and needs it when in reality they don't really care, its just there.
The only way to feel better about the holiday season is to change it. And only you can do that. Your parents, kids, husband, friends are likely clueless that you aren't enjoying every minute of it. So start making those changes and bring the joy back because it can truly be a wonderful time of the year (to quote some old guy). :-)
1) Don't put off for tomorrow what I can do today.
Basically, I cave in to everyone else's (at least family members) wants, wishes, and demands. Leading to a total collapse on or about December 26th and a very crabby holiday season. I posted about this a little while ago on the "who's cooking Thanksgiving dinner" thread. My grandmother's self-esteem is heavily invested in being able to show us how much she loves us by giving us "stuff" at Christmas and I drag my family to her house and church as a result. Her church practices CLOSED communion which means my family and I are NOT included and I have a real problem with that. I've thought about having Christmas in my own house and at my own church several times but I always get the "but what if it's grandma's last Christmas" feeling. She'd give my mom an earful if I didn't show up and my mom would give it to me. I'm not sure it's worth the emotional expense. Some day I will have my own Christmas and my kids will wake up in their own house Christmas morning.
I try to do my best to keep my stress level down my spreading out spending, errands, etc over several months and not a few weeks. I've also accepted the fact that I'm not the Martha Stewart that my mom is and focus on having a good time with my kids and helping them have happy holiday memories. I've also made my expectations a little more realistic. My house will never look like a glossy picture from one of the gazillion Christmas magazines at the grocery store but I'll do my best to make it happy, warm, and to help my children understand the meaning of Christmas.
I'm also having a tough time with the holidays because I feel Christmas is getting squeezed out. The kids are supposed to learn about Kwanza, Hannukah, and Eid but I'm not supposed to say Merry Christmas? They're taught Kwaanza and Hannukah songs but not Jingle Bells, Winter Wonterland, or Frosty the Snowman. If I say anything about it, I'm racist or anti-Semitic. I went to the book fair at school tonight and Hannukah got twice as much table space as Christmas. I'm not saying all holidays shouldn't be celebrated. In fact, I'm saying ALL holidays should be acknowledged. I hope I'm not offending anyone. I certainly don't mean to. I just want my kids to feel as comfortable celebrating their holidays as I did growing up. My almost 10-year-old wants a bar mitzvah..... :s
May Advent be a time of warmth, joy, and peace for those of you who celebrate it. A happy holiday season to those of you who observe other holidays...
"Some day I will have my own Christmas and my kids will wake up in their own house Christmas morning."
I just hope that you're kids aren't in their 30's and dragging their kids to your house and wishing just once they could sleep in their own beds. Those tough old broads can live for years. When its a closed communion I don't see the point of going (but not being religious I don't get the background to that stuff). You're kids are growing quickly and unless Grandma is on her death bed (and it doesn't sound like it) you are going to have to make the move soon to stand up for your needs. Respect your elders yes, but your kids and your husband should come first in your life.
I think once the week of Thanksgiving hits, Chaos hits till Christmas is over!
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We made a stand early in our married life. At first we switched families for thanksgiving, but then started going exclusively to my family's for thanksgiving since it was never really celebrated my dh's family. Once my son was 2 we decided he would thereafter celebrate christmas in his own home. Anyone was welcome to join us and my parents decided to come to our house (4 hrs from everyone else) and they stay for christmas eve, which we do up formally, and then they leave after present opening and breakfast and spend the afternoon & evening with my other siblings. My sil leaves nearby and she comes over christmas day and they stay for dinner.
My inlaws never choose to come and they got into what a previous poster said about pleasing the elders. Well that old bird is not going anywhere and they missed out on the holidays with their grandchildren for 12 years now. All to please their parents.
This year we are staying home for thanksgiving and dh's family is supposedly coming along with grandma.
I've already bought a lot of presents and what I haven't gotten I pretty much know what I want to get. We scaled way back on who we exchange with by drawing names on one side, and our kids exchanging with their cousins on the other.
We'll decorate after thanksgiving and all the christmas presents go to my office where I try and wrap as they come in.
A few years ago I decided it really stressed me out to do christmas cards and they weren't really my thing. I stopped doing it and it's a huge relief.
I'm usually done with christmas errands by early december and then we can enjoy our time at home, baking cookies, relaxing & enjoying the season without the hustle bustle. My dd still loves our nativity and we enjoy the christmas cantata and christmas eve service at church.
I agree with you. Our kids can learn about whatever is politically correct but if it MIGHT offend someone, they cut it out. It pisses me off.
Our Christmas Party has been changed to holiday party.
Our Easter party has been changed to Spring Party.
but HALLOWEEN remains just that, Halloween.
don't even get me started, I'll get on my soapbox-LOL!!
How do you deal with family, friends, relatives?
Do you like the holiday season or do you dread it?
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