How do you handle a mean friend?

Avatar for itspete
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Registered: 07-28-2003
How do you handle a mean friend?
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 11:07am
Last night my daughter was playing outside with several neighborhood girls. One of the little girls, 10 yrs. old, began saying not so nice things about a couple of the other girls, including my DD. We've had this problem in the past with this particular little girl. I told my DD that I did not want her playing with the girls as long as this particular little girl was part of the group -- she is just plain mean! Obviously, my DD cried, I got mad, my DH forbids any contact with the mean little girl, etc. This morning I feel bad for getting mad, it really isn't this little girls fault that she is a "back stabber" -- it is probably her home life. I am feeling like the mean neighborhood Mom! My DD wants to play with her and the other girls -- am I looking for a way to give in? What would you do, or suggest, in this situation? I am not a confrontational person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 4:52pm
We went through something similar with Sean when we first moved into our neighborhood. One of the boys started calling him names, for no reason (or so my son says - he's been known to omit a key detail or two LOL). I also told him not to play with this child, but he really didn't want to be cooped up in the house either (which was pretty much the only way to avoid this child). So I told him that if he insisted on playing with this boy, that he would need to let the comments roll off his back and maybe even ask him why he felt the need to say things like that. I'm not entirely sure that Sean took my advice, but I do know that he and this child became good friends and they didn't have any major problems after that rough beginning. Perhaps you could help your DD role play, so she can have some responses prepared for when this child acts up again. Bottom line, imo, there are some situations that our children need to learn to handle for themselves as we can't always run to the rescue. This may be one of those times for your DD, only you would know for sure.

Good luck,


Sherrie Rainbow

Avatar for cl_janetlh
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Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 9:27pm


Jewish Family Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 9:57pm
I would explain to her that some girls are just mean! It's O.K to be her friend but not O.K to join in on the gossip. She needs to learn to walk away when the fun turns into a trash fest.

There is a book called "Queen Bees and wanna bees". It is ALL about these kinds of girls. I am not very far in my book, so I don't have all the answers yet...but soon I, but Ive had the book for six months.

I would not forbid her to play with this girl. Friends are VERY important to kids at this age. To forbid her to play with them gives this mean girl too much power. Give your daughter the tools to stand up to her. I hope this works out for you...just remember this too shall pass....this too shall pass...pretty soon we will be asking about "Boy troubles"...LOL