Major 10 yo tantrum!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2001
Major 10 yo tantrum!!!!!!
4
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 9:34pm

Sorry this is long.

Dd came home from school upset because she joined a new club "Star news". Basicly 5th graders can contribute to news items for the school district news station (radio and TV). Here she was on the same team as a girl that she used to know in 1st grade and had come back after being away for quite a few years. This girl turned out to be bossy and always getting her way. Dd is basicly shy, and can't speak up and get her way.

So that's what started it all. She got home started disrupting the whole family. Kids were trying to do their homework, and she started bugging the boys. I took her folder up to her room and said, "clean off your desk and do it here". She started screaming and shouting and I just left her to finish helping the boys with their homework.

After a while she said she had finished her homework. I went up and saw that she had thrown everything in her room on to the floor and her folder was all messed all over the bottom of the stairs. When I started telling her (well yelling) to clean up she ran out the door and took her bike and ran away. She came back in about 15 min.

I was soooo angry I just let her and wrote a note telling her I had gone to take the boys to baseball practice (Fall Ball). When I got home she was contrite (as usual) and said she was cleaning her room, but wanted a shower before she finished. I said OK, when I looked in her room it didn't look any better. Then when dh came home he saw there was also big black smudge marks where she had thrown her shoes up in the staircase wall where noone could reach.all h.ll broke loose. He was very angry. All started over again. I was kind of glad because I was always the "bad mom" now dad was sticking up for me.... But I didn't feel like starting all over again.

In the end I stuck almost everything into a bag and said she was to start putting things away from the bag until it was finished. Until then she was grounded and she also couldn't use her bike again for 2 weeks!

Now she's angry won't talk and gone to bed that way. Usually we make up before going to bed, but I'm still angry. I can't help thinking what else is she going to do to us!!!

I'm thinking that she's too immature for the "Star News". She'll wait till next year for that. I can't take the pressure.

Thanks,

Rainbow

"Life is not waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain!"

Avatar for bradleyteach
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 7:19am

Did she specifically say something about the club?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2007
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 2:18pm

I have 2 dd that fit the criteria. When my oldest began the change she would come home in the worst moods. She would throw tantrums and I would have no way of finding out what happened so I could deal with it. When we were both in a better mood I sat her down for a "end of the bed" talk. She did not want to talk right away so I began by explaining that I have days that I am "moody" because of that time. I let things bug me and I sometimes take it out on others. When I have a day like that I promised to give her some kind of sign. That would be to back off and let me cool down. I asked if she wanted or needed a sign for me so I could back off. After using a sign and cooling down we had to explain or talk about it. At least it gave us time to be mad...cool off...and think about what happened. It shows her that you are human and it happens to you but it also shows her that you respect her as a young woman and trying to master her world. Her trashing her room was her way of cooling off or releasing her frustration. Yes, she needs to clean it up and take responsibility but in time she can learn other ways of cooling off. My 13 year old will put on her ipod and listen to music. Nobody bothers her and she feels much better. Maybe your dd will share her frustrations once she learns how to cope with them.


I also have a son that is becoming moody but acts out in other ways. I have trouble with this approach because I can't understand...I am a girl! Well, good luck. Keep trying things. One will work for you and her.


J


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 3:50pm

Welcome to the hormonal, moody and irrational stage of tweens!


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Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 10:11pm

Laura is right, get used to it, it is a warm up for the teen years.

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!