Modesty, changing for P.E., & detention!

Avatar for cl_janetlh
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Registered: 03-19-2003
Modesty, changing for P.E., & detention!
5
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 8:48am

Rachel (11yo 6th grader) has detention today! Turns out, she didn't change into her gym clothes 6 times this marking period. She has Phys. Ed. 1-2 times/week depending on how their 6 day schedule falls.


Rachel came home yesterday with a form from her PE teacher and the assistant principal. She was quite upset, but thankfully, not hysterical or anxious. She explained that she's one of the last tables to be dismissed from lunch, and, that by coincidence, it's very crowded near her gym locker (they're alphabetical), so it's hard for her to get changed in time and she doesn't want to be late. Her teacher only "warned" her once, she claimed, so I think she thought she was getting away with it. So, the PE teacher "wrote her up" and she got called into the assistant principal's office yesterday. I'm SURE he could see an 11yo on the verge of tears and was gentle with her. He wrote on the form that they discussed ways to solve the issues she was having. They seemed to have had a very appropriate conversation about it. (Other than he suggested changing tables at lunch. Like that's easy for a shy 11yo who is comfortable with where she is sitting. There are about 250 6th graders eating at the same time!)


Rachel and I continued a "strategy" discussion. I know she's learned her lesson, and will change from now on. We also talked about in the future, if she's having trouble meeting a teacher's expectations, she should talk to the teacher about it, not just wait to get caught, or think she won't get caught.


Here are some of the things I'd appreciate your opinions on. Since Rachel hadn't changed for gym, she didn't need to change after gym. Why didn't the teacher take her aside after class and ask what the problem was? The teacher wrote on the form that her attitude and performance were excellent otherwise.


Detention? I think the conversation and note home were enough. This child does not need detention. However, if that's a strict policy for this situation, I'm not one to argue with it. We all have to learn how to operate within a system. If I felt very strongly about it, I'd discuss it with the asst. principal, but I don't want to blow it out of proportion either. She didn't follow this rule, and needs to.


Bottom line, though, and a whole discussion on its own - Rachel is VERY modest, and changing for gym is a BIG DEAL to her! I was modest, too, but did what I needed to do. I also didn't let it ruin my fun with regard to camp, swimming, etc. Rachel and I have talked about it, I've bought several different types of camisoles, which she wore for a wihle. Our latest strategy will be for her to wear a T-shirt under another shirt on PE days, and she'll put her gym shirt over it (which is allowed.) I don't know how to get her past his extreme modesty, which is one of the main reasons she doesn't want to go to overnight camp! I've talked about "it's all girls" "your body's not so different from many others" "no one is looking at you because they're racing to change themselves", etc. I've taught her how to change under a T-shirt without getting totally undressed, etc.


Rachel plays sports, so I see lots of her peers at games. Her body fits right in with the group that's a little chunky, getting ready for puberty. Sure, some girls are tall and thin, some girls still look like they're 10, and some girls look like Rachel. She's not an extreme by any means. I'm sure all of these groups are self-concious for some reason!


Do any of your children have issues with extreme modesty?


Whew! This got quite long. Thanks for reading this far. Lots of topics here to weigh in on - detention in general, modesty, teacher's handling diligent kids with a specific issue. Please weigh in on any of them!


I'll let you know how detention went. Luckily, I have to pick Sam up after band today anyway, so not an extra trip for me. Sam will have to wait 20 minutes in the libarary, but that's not a big deal.

Janet


Jewish Family Life

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 9:57am
Not sure this falls in the identical category, but ds11 (who caved to wearing boxers as that's what he sees the others in in daily PE!) suddenly got very self-conscious about his 'belly' - he's always been a thin kid. He's now 5'1.5" and just shy of 100 pounds, but because he has this pooch in front (not jelly belly, just not flat like some others; the rest of him is still as thin as can be), he decided yesterday not to have lunch! Needless to say, he came home ravenous and made up for it at home... I got out the ala carte lunch menu and pointed out things he likes that are healthier than some of the fried stuff they serve frequently, so he feels better. He says he's going to lock himself in his room and stay at 99.9! Sigh.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 11:31am

Oh gosh, I remember gym -- I was very modest too and at middle school we had to shower "yuck".

Sherrie Rainbow

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 12:08pm
ITA on the detention being a bit severe. Here, I believe, after a certain number of times not having a uniform to change into (thus they just get stinkier and stinkier in their PE lockers!), they get a 'demerit' on their record, but nothing as drastic as detention!
Avatar for cl_janetlh
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 7:27pm

Detention update: Rachel survived the experience. She sat in the attendance office doing her homework, along with 2 8th grade boys. One of the boys asked her, "What are you here for". Rachel replied, "Not changing into my gym uniform." The boys response, "I didn't know you could get detention for *that*!" LOL! I've been giggling about that all afternoon. Of course, Rachel did not ask what they were "in for".


Another lesson learned.

Janet


Jewish Family Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Fri, 01-23-2004 - 11:07am

Happy to hear that it wasn't a totally miserable experience - cute comment from

Sherrie Rainbow