Modesty, changing for P.E., & detention!

Rachel (11yo 6th grader) has detention today! Turns out, she didn't change into her gym clothes 6 times this marking period. She has Phys. Ed. 1-2 times/week depending on how their 6 day schedule falls.

Rachel came home yesterday with a form from her PE teacher and the assistant principal. She was quite upset, but thankfully, not hysterical or anxious. She explained that she's one of the last tables to be dismissed from lunch, and, that by coincidence, it's very crowded near her gym locker (they're alphabetical), so it's hard for her to get changed in time and she doesn't want to be late. Her teacher only "warned" her once, she claimed, so I think she thought she was getting away with it. So, the PE teacher "wrote her up" and she got called into the assistant principal's office yesterday. I'm SURE he could see an 11yo on the verge of tears and was gentle with her. He wrote on the form that they discussed ways to solve the issues she was having. They seemed to have had a very appropriate conversation about it. (Other than he suggested changing tables at lunch. Like that's easy for a shy 11yo who is comfortable with where she is sitting. There are about 250 6th graders eating at the same time!)

Rachel and I continued a "strategy" discussion. I know she's learned her lesson, and will change from now on. We also talked about in the future, if she's having trouble meeting a teacher's expectations, she should talk to the teacher about it, not just wait to get caught, or think she won't get caught.

Here are some of the things I'd appreciate your opinions on. Since Rachel hadn't changed for gym, she didn't need to change after gym. Why didn't the teacher take her aside after class and ask what the problem was? The teacher wrote on the form that her attitude and performance were excellent otherwise.

Detention? I think the conversation and note home were enough. This child does not need detention. However, if that's a strict policy for this situation, I'm not one to argue with it. We all have to learn how to operate within a system. If I felt very strongly about it, I'd discuss it with the asst. principal, but I don't want to blow it out of proportion either. She didn't follow this rule, and needs to.

Bottom line, though, and a whole discussion on its own - Rachel is VERY modest, and changing for gym is a BIG DEAL to her! I was modest, too, but did what I needed to do. I also didn't let it ruin my fun with regard to camp, swimming, etc. Rachel and I have talked about it, I've bought several different types of camisoles, which she wore for a wihle. Our latest strategy will be for her to wear a T-shirt under another shirt on PE days, and she'll put her gym shirt over it (which is allowed.) I don't know how to get her past his extreme modesty, which is one of the main reasons she doesn't want to go to overnight camp! I've talked about "it's all girls" "your body's not so different from many others" "no one is looking at you because they're racing to change themselves", etc. I've taught her how to change under a T-shirt without getting totally undressed, etc.

Rachel plays sports, so I see lots of her peers at games. Her body fits right in with the group that's a little chunky, getting ready for puberty. Sure, some girls are tall and thin, some girls still look like they're 10, and some girls look like Rachel. She's not an extreme by any means. I'm sure all of these groups are self-concious for some reason!

Do any of your children have issues with extreme modesty?

Whew! This got quite long. Thanks for reading this far. Lots of topics here to weigh in on - detention in general, modesty, teacher's handling diligent kids with a specific issue. Please weigh in on any of them!

I'll let you know how detention went. Luckily, I have to pick Sam up after band today anyway, so not an extra trip for me. Sam will have to wait 20 minutes in the libarary, but that's not a big deal.