Move to DH's Family Good 4 DD, not Me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Move to DH's Family Good 4 DD, not Me!
3
Tue, 04-29-2008 - 2:06pm

My wonderful DH wants to leave our corrupt, high-tax state and move to the southern coast to join his own family. The new area would be fabulous for DH and DD (14yo) in many, many ways. Both would be very happy with a loving extended family support system, very Christian and loving, lots of kids and family activities, great town, clean, lots of things to do, really nice people, wonderful grandparents (DH's folks), kids better behaved than around here..... a much more nurturing area for DD’s high school years.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Tue, 04-29-2008 - 6:12pm

I understand where you are coming from. Sometimes its good to get other opinions however. I have a few questions for you, What is your family structure in the area where you live? Would you be giving up lots of friends? family? A supportive "family life" of your own?

I ask these questions because you deserve some happiness too. And if your going to be miserable is it worth moving? There are lots of things to keep in mind. Way your options, make a good and bad list. Discuss this with your dh and others... get some opinions too. Look into things going on around for you in the new area too... Will or Could you benefit from moving?

all just suggestions, moving is a big decision. dont take it lightly.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-29-2008 - 6:30pm
I feel for you. I am like you. I like the fact that I live 3000 miles from my family and do what I want when I want and don't know my neighbors. LOL Call me a hermit. It would be hard for me to move back home where everyone knows your business even if they have the best of intentions. It might be that you have to really work at developing your own interests that are more solitary. Take up mountain biking and go out on long rides or hiking or something that doesn't really translate well to groups. They will likely think you are "weird" at first because they are so different but if you are firm but kind they will get the hint and hopefully you'll be able to come to an agreement if not acceptance of each others' differences. It is hard sometimes to be a grown-up but if you don't think its going to send you spinning in to a depression it might be worth a try. Or maybe if your husband is aware of your issues commit to moving there until your DD graduates and then you can reassess whether its the right thing for you guys and you could move somewhere else after that. Or even move not QUITE so close. You don't have to be in their pocket, what about 60-90 min. away? You'd still have your autonomy but be close enough to spend a day with them on the weekend.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2007
Tue, 04-29-2008 - 6:31pm

I think if you did choose to move, that it would be important to set the stage for what you expect early. For example, if they are the "pop in" type of people, you would have to speak up and say they need to call first. You can also set up a weekly gathering so everyone could get together. It could be your idea and everyone would appreciate the idea. You could also have it rotate so it isn't always at your house. You can also find things to get involved in without the family. That way if they are always stopping by, you can politely excuse yourself for whatever function you have set up. You could also include some scheduled alone time in there and call it something else so they don't get their panties in a bunch. Best of luck.

Cathy

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