My daughter, any opinions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
My daughter, any opinions?
9
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 11:07am
Hi Everyone,

This is my first post on here. I've been looking all over the net for information. I would love some opinions. My daughter is 10 years old. She is very mature for her age. She got her period at 9 years old! She's 5'3" about 125lbs and wears a size 11 tennis shoe! She's not overweight just very big boned (after her father). I seriously think she has bouts with depression. Over the last couple of years she has shown the signs of manic-depression. Gosh, that sounds so horrible to say but from what I've been reading that's what they call it. She has 2 or 3 days where she is "on top of the world". Very self-confident, talks very fast and constantly, wants to always "go somewhere or do something". These days are great, I love it.

Then, bam....out of nowhere, she doesnt want to do anything. Last nite was the county fair nite (which she has always loved). The nite before she suddenly came down with her "neck hurts". She did not want to go to the fair. She wanted me to go ahead and take her little brother and she'd stay home. I wouldnt do that. I said we wouldnt go at all. She just kept telling me she didnt feel good. When I finally got her to say more she bursts into tears and says "I'm not pretty enough". "I dont want to have fun". Of course I told her how ridiculous she was being and that she was a very pretty girl. Her little brother (6) carried on so about not going to the fair she agreed to go. She had a ball for about an hour and then bam.....a headache she wanted to go home. she got up this morning trying to get out of going to school. I'm sure I was too harsh on her but I insisted there was nothing wrong with her and she was going. We had yelling and tears but she's at school.

I'm sorry I'm taking so long. I dont know how I should handle this. Is it serious or should I consider it just part of growing up and puberty? She's always gone to a pediatrican but they have changed and we dont really have one that really knows her. What should I do?? Let it ride, take her to a therapist, get mad at her for "faking", let her get away with it? Any opinions would really be appreciated! Thanks

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 1:25pm
How about starting with the school counselor, since you're new to the pediatrician? Maybe first you with the counselor, then all 3 or just she and the counselor, etc. I'd think that most school counselors have seen the gamut of emotions, especially from preadolescents. Between the raging hormones and the peer pressure, it sounds like her body is taking control for a bit. I hope it's nothing serious. Good luck!!
Avatar for cl_janetlh
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 3:34pm

I agree with Sue's suggestion of starting with the school counselor. See if he/she can help your dd directly, or be a resource for you.


Welcome to our board. I'm glad you posted with us. Please let us know how you and your dd are doing. I'm sure this is difficult for both of you.


Janet

Janet


Jewish Family Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 3:43pm

Welcome to the board - we're glad you're here.

Sherrie Rainbow

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 11:37am
Well, I agree with everyone...start with the school counselor. They can refer you to someone that they know.

This does not sound like normal 10 yr old behavior. I have been dating a man with a 14 year old daughter who has been diagnosed with depresion (I think about four years ago) She is on medication that seems to help...but honestly, I think High school has helped her the most. She has a best friend now and is a freshman. She seems to be very happy this year.

You didn't mention a "best friend" I think that is SO important to a child's self esteem.

There are some books by Judy Blume...like "Blubber" and "Are you there God, it's me Margret" Those books got me through adolescence. I was tall and VERRRRRY skinny. So being a gangly goofy looking girl, I was picked on, starting in about sixth grade. Nothing awful, but it was kind-of a "private torture" for me. The books helped me feel like "if there are books about this, it must not be only me". I also have (for me) the book called "Queen bees and wanna bees" It's about girls at this age...you will get kind of mad, but it helps to deal with what you daughter WILL go through, no matter what "type" of girl she is.

Your daughter may not be depressed, as much as feeling bad about herself. (don't know if there is a real difference)...It wont help right now, but the other kids WILL grow into her. She will not always be the most mature and the tallest kid in grade.

Disclaimer: I have nine (don't know how that happened today) kids from age 1-4 in my family room and any mispellings, or grammar errors in this post is their fault.

Kim (who is going to go hide in the car)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 7:36pm
Thanks everyone for your responses. I will take your advise and find out who the counselor is at her school. I think I would rather speak with her one on one first and see if it sounds like a legitimate concern before I include dd. Thanks again, this is a great board!
Avatar for keke0116
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-05-2003 - 7:32am

From what I know about manic depression / bipolar (and my knowledge is limited) is that BP in kids is much different in adults in that the ups/downs or highs/lows in ADULTS generally go days, weeks or even months before it turns, where with kids, they can cycle daily.

Nancy 

<?xml:namespace prefix = v ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:vml" />
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 5:25pm
hi!I am the mom of a 10 yr. old girl,who has started her cycle.She is in fifth grade, is 5'6" tall, weighs about 115, and wears a size 8.5-9 shoe!She is up one minute and down the next as well.Laughing with us one minute and crying the next.She loves to be out of doors and lately has wanted to do nothing but lay on the couch.Every day she has a new pain, her head, her stomache, her neck, her legs....heck, bruises work these days too.I have been sitting back and watching her interact with her friends, and our neighbors, and for my dd, her height is made such an issue that I think she just feels like she doesn't quite belong anywhere.At her open house, she was talking to a friend when the friends little brother came up and asked who my daughter was.The friend replied that my daughter was her friend and the little boy said"Why is she so tall!!???"My daughter then burst into tears , looked at her father and I and screamed,"see, its everywhere!"Most of her friends come up to her chest if she is lucky, which has gotten quite large this summer!Her father and I are worried about her. Maybe it is a phase, maybe it is the age, at least that is what we are hoping for.I just wanted you to know that you are not alone, and if I find anything that helps I will let you know. a new freind, gwimmyann
Avatar for cl_janetlh
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 8:39pm

Welcome, Gwimmyann! Thanks so much for posting a reply to this topic. I hope we see you here often!


Janet


Jewish Family Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 1:22am

Hi Gwimmyann,


It's nice to have you here.

Sherrie Rainbow