Never satisfied...always wants more

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Never satisfied...always wants more
4
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 6:14pm
My 10 year old grandson is always complaining and never satisfied with what he has. He has his own room but wants his parents larger room. He wants a cell phone and was told he could have one when he could pay for it. He said he would use the money in his account and we explained that he would have nothing left in a very short time. He wants to go to bed at 10 or 11. He just wants, wants, wants. This is a divorce situation and I think that he is playing one parent against the other. And I just think that it is the "act" of getting something and if he gets it, he no longer is interested. What to do?
Avatar for cl_janetlh
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 7:31pm

Welcome! I think this issue really depends on how the parents are handling it. My kids could want, want, want, but since I say "no" 98% of the time, they don't ask for much at this point! So, what payoff is he getting for asking? Results? Attention?


When I say "no", I follow up with a reason - not necessary, not appropriate (even if lots of others have it), put it on your birthday list because it's a special purchase, etc.


I know you'll get some terrific responses here. If you think this behavior is due to the divorce situation you mentioned, you might want to also check out the boards in the category "Divorce, single, remarried" and the "ask the experts" category on the main ParentSoup board page.

Janet


Jewish Family Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 12:07pm

Hello and welcome!!

Sherrie Rainbow

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 3:43pm
I'm in this line too. My ds11 has so many things he'd love to have (he's asked for a cell phone, which cracks me up as he NEVER talks on the phone at home; guess it's a status thing). I definitely more often than not say no, or 'it's your money'...but if it's the latter, I still have veto power if I find the 'need' totally outrageous.

I think putting it in his hands, truly having to come up with the funds for something, really puts a quick damper on MANY of the requests.

DS also decided he'd like our bedroom as it has an attached bathroom. I said I had to wait til I was 40 for one of those...he can do that whenever he buys his own place. Same with wanting a menagerie of pets; I'm allergic to mice/guinea pigs/rabbits/hamsters/gerbils/ferrets - I think he'll have a zoo when he moves out!

But things like Nike Shox-to be honest, I said no, because I said I can't fathom $99+ shoes, especially when they're outgrown in a few months. On his last pair of shoes, I said I'd give $X toward them, and anything over, he was on his own. He did choose to pay more than $X; that was his choice. And he had to have a 2nd pair; flat bottom basketball shoes...that just sit in his closet, because darned if I wasn't right, they're NOT comfortable for every day, and those other walking/hiking shoes I got him sure are...

It's a learning process. They are just becoming more aware of everything that's out there, and it's a bit overwhelming but all very desirable. I think getting them to learn to save for things, or to make good choices, is vital at this stage in their lives.

Sue

Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 9:43pm
Speaking as an only child and a child of dovorce, you do things because you can. Quite frankly, if your parents aren't communicating, or playing you off of each other, then you will go for it. Lucky for me, my parents got together though ad decided on the important things and stlll presented a united front. It is very important that the parets do this for him. Playing a kid off of the other parent is cruel too, and can damage the relationships with the parents.

He needs responsiblities and extra activites to occup his time. When my dd, about his age, starts with the "gimme"s I tellher to be satisfied or I can make things disappear. I also have her write out essays about why she doesn't need a fifth American Girl Doll. I also have had her write out the Ten Commandments, and a line or two of why greed is breaking a few commandments. We live in a very materialistic society, and they have to learn the value of things and what is relly important in life.

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!