New to the board...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2003
New to the board...
7
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 8:47am

Hi everyone, I am new to the board, but not to IV.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2005
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 9:44am

Beckee - welcome to the board!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 10:04am

Hi Beckee,


We live in Arizona so no coats here either. When it's cool enough the boys will just wear a sweatshirt as well. We've had the same issues with both boys since about age 9. Matthew is my oldest and about to turn 12 and he was wearing the same pair of jeans every single day. One side of the jeans on the bottom hem is totally worn out. They look like something a construction worker would wear while working in a sewer! LOL! He has five other pair of pants, and three of those are jeans but I still catching him mostly wearing the one pair. One thing I've learned with tweens is you really have to pick your battles. Clothing in my house isn't a battle but if it's really important to you in your house, it's worth the fight.


Unfortunately, image and self perception are extremely important to tweens. I remember being the same way. Sometimes, if you can take a time out and remember that you too once put your parents through some of the same exact things, it makes it easier to connect with your tween instead of having the control wars. I think it's a good idea to have a talk about what really counts with people, and stress the fact that clothing and materials are just that.


Welcome to the board, we have some very helpful ladies here with great advice. I hope you will stick around and share some of your ideas as well!

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 11:49am

Just as you have a style of dress and certain things that you feel comfortable wearing, so does your son. He's reached an age where he's discovering who he is and what he is comfortable in.

Some things to keep in mind.

1.Clothing can be a form of self expression. It's good to allow some freedom, within bounderies that you set.

2. Being comfortable allows for a child to have better focus in school. What you may be confortable in, may not be what he is comfortable in.

3. Favorite items will be worn over and over no matter how old he is. My dh has a favorite flannel shirt and pair of jeans that he puts on every weekend. Try limiting his wearing of the item to twice or three times per week.

4. Favorites come and go. I'll see my son wear the same shirt right from the dryer week after week and then he won't wear it for a couple of months. He goes through stages.

5. Peers do influence what kids think. Fitting in is important at this age. Friendships are naturally shifting at this age and outward appearance is a factor. This is less true as they get into the upper grades of middle school. When in 4th and 5th grades my son felt he had to have the clothes that other kids worn (style wise), now in 8th he's decided on his own style and is comfortable with who he is.

6. Telling a kid that clothing doesn't make a person doesn't really apply in the preteen world. Kids this age are socially moving from being friends with anyone who lives near them, to kids with similar interests, styles and so on. Cliques start to develop and kids start to lable themselves and each other. Jock, brain, nerd, artsy type etc. In a preteens social world, how one dresses does make a difference. Stand out too much and the other kids take notice. I think the worst ages for picking on others was between 5th and 7th grades. Your son is probably very aware of this. Seeing kids who wear collared shirts getting picked on etc..

Note that it won't always be like this. My son is in 8th grade and 80% of the time he has a shirt with a collar on. Either a button down or a polo shirt of some type. He wears button downs as an outer layer over a T shirt and also buttons them (but doesn't tuck in unless he has to). He has his own sense of style and is accepted for it now. I would not have been able to say that a few years ago. In fact I recall a kid who liked my son in 5th grade, asking me if ds had any other style clothes because he was getting picked on for how he dressed.

stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 2:04pm

Hi Beckee, welcome to the board!


I don't think this is a situation necessarily of him being stubborn--this is a phase!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 5:18pm

We've had that situation with both twins (son and daughter). Actually, they had too many clothes...half the stuff they wouldn't wear for one reason or another. When they finally outgrew their clothes, I only purchased a small amount of clothing, and it was clothes that they like so they wear them frequently. My son prefers a certain style shirt, so has several of them in different colors.

Lynn

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2005
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 6:29pm

I pretty much let my 11 yr old pick out all of her own clothes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 8:18pm

Hello there Beckee, welcome to the board.