New here. Advice for ten year old ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
New here. Advice for ten year old ?
9
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 8:44pm

Hey

Im on lots of boards here on ivillage but thought I would try this one out too. I am the single mother of a 10 year old DD who will be 11 in a couple of months. Anyone on here that has a daughter of the similar age?

The biggest challenges right now for me and her are the mood swings brought on by outside factors. For instance, today was a pretty quiet rainy day for both of us. She was playing quietly upstairs when 2 girls from across the street called over to the house. The three of them together can be dynamite at times as I find a friendship of 3 hardly ever works out (someone always gets left out, usually my DD) but DD wanted them over as she hadnt seen them all day. Within 20 minutes, the arguing started and I told the kids that they should go home. They insisted everything was fine but after another few moments, even they knew it wasnt working and left. DD was angry and frustrated and needed to vent. Which involved her getting mad at me. I wasn't going to argue so I told her that I was leaving the room until we both calmed down.

This isn't an isolated incident though. I find my daughter has emotional outburts often as a result of outside triggers. Is this normal? Any advice?

-adc

-almostdoesntcount

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 11:04pm
Very very normal, it's called hormones all goofy, LOL!!!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 12:37am
Hi, I am a single mom of an 11 yr old.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 12:43am

Hi. :)

My DD is only 9, but I've noticed some emotional 'stuff' going on with her also. I wouldn't think hormonal stuff would be affecting my daughter at such a young age, but when I was 9 I had already started my period, so I guess hormones can start to kick up at just about any age. Kind of scary though, I will say.

To the initial lady ... just hang in there! Here in a couple of years I'll need to ask someone for advice for my own DD and I'll be hunting you down. ;) Hang tough, mom!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 12:49am
studies show girls start "puberty" around ages 9-13 sometimes later some times early.
Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 7:38am
Welcome to the board. I find that it is hard to stay out of my kids disputes, but I figure they need to work them out. The only time I have gotten involved is when it got physical with my ds and with dd and her friends, I heard a kid swear. It is hard to walk away when you hear this, but this is a time for kids to explore relationships.

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 8:42am

My dd will be 11 next month. It seems all year I was hearing the drama of this one is too bossy, and then the next second they're best friends again.

We just had a sleepover and i was sure it was 4, not 3. 3 is a toxic amount of girls, imo.

What I have learned to do is listen and not try and fix. There are two books I read way back when by the same author, the title of one was How to Talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk. It was all about affirming to them, reiterating and then discussing ways to make it better. The listening and saying back, things like, wow, that is hard, or I bet that is annoying, etc goes way farther than you'd ever imagine.

Seems lately the silliest things will trigger tears from my dd. Try and make your home her sanctuary. It should be the place she can let it all hang out.

It is totally normal for the age.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 1:29pm

I find with those two girls in particular there is way more drama than any other relationship. (But maybe its also because I see it whereas I'm not there for any of the friendship dramas in school)But because she hasn't found too many other kids in the neighbourhood she enjoys spending time with, she seems to want to play with them even though they can really push eachother's buttons. I have a good relationship with one of the parents, but the other not at all. In fact, DD is often left out of outings and sleepovers because that parent has called mine a troublemaker to her DD which of course was passed along to mine. Truly frustrating when I know the only reason she is labelled as such is because she's more outwardly emotional than the other two.

I find after a long weekend with eachother, DD and I are at wits end with eachother and I probably get irritated alot more than usual. So when these friend blow ups occur, i've just had enough of it and just don't want to listen to it anymore. After I posted the operning post, I took 5 minutes then went downstairs for a hug; which felt great. Then we sat down and played a board game together for an hour and things felt much better between us. I guess thats just life with a 10 year old! (eek, i hope)

I agree too that home should be a sanctuary. For both of us. This may be an obvious question but any ideas how to make it that way?

-almostdoesntcount

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 2:11pm

"I agree too that home should be a sanctuary. For both of us. This may be an obvious question but any ideas how to make it that way?"

There are many ways to make it so. Emotionally, be there on your dd's side. I find nothing more annoying then when people play devils advocate with me when I'm upset about an issue.

Also, make times when there are no friends coming over - just family time. Accept her feelings for what they are, feelings can't ever be wrong. I guess I grew up in a house where you put on a happy face no matter what, or things were minimized. Not that you need to make a mountain out of a molehill, but make it a safe place to talk.

Imagine what life will be like in 4 or 5 years from now! I'm shaking in my shoes already! lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 3:41pm
Well exactly. I worry ALL THE TIME about the issues I will have to deal with when she really does hit adolescence. I want us to be open with eachother then but I need to get a handle on the emotional extremes I think in order to do that.

-almostdoesntcount

 

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