Oh the number of questions he asks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Oh the number of questions he asks!
6
Thu, 11-06-2003 - 8:30am
Hello everyone! I am new hear. My son is 19 months old and just this past Sunday my 10 year old nephew came to live with us. We are in the process of getting custody of him. Learning to parent him is new for me, my husband and our style of parenting is new to my nephew. I am sure (hoping) that many of you have had conversation like this: "Does that bus go to the Statue of Liberty?" No, that bus is for local transportation. The Statue of Liberty is over 4 hours away. "Can you take a plane there?" Yes. "How high does it go?" And, "Have you eaten at that restaurant?" Yes. "For breakfast, lunch or dinner?" Breakfast. "Was it good?" It was okay. "Was it good, great or excellent?" or even, "Did you just turn the wipers off?" Ugh! I love my nephew. I have wanted custody of him for years. He has probably been told to "shut the @#$% up" for years. I don't mind him asking questions, but sometimes they are just plain aggrevating. I have tried changing the conversation topic or deverting his attention. He even has his own ideas about things. Yesterday I was looking for my license and he told me that I should keep my license and registration together. I explained the the registration should never leave the car and I should always have my license with me. Last night I was showing him how to cook and he told me that I was wrong about something. (He wanted to cook the (canned) vegtables for 30 min). Now, I know this is minor stuff. (For every sentance I speak he has a question or a comment.) This is all new to me. He wants to learn. I think that's great. Sometimes I feel the questions are to just keep the conversation going. How can I deter the really silly questions without killing his spirit? When he asked me if I turned the wipers off on my car, I just rolled my eyes and looked out the window. He stopped asking questions then, but then I felt a bit guilty. How do you handle these things? Thanks,

Sally
Avatar for cl_janetlh
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 11-06-2003 - 3:34pm

Welcome, Sally! I'm so glad you've joined us. Your nephew sounds like my son, LOL!!! But, at age 11, it's gotten better, so hang in there. Also, your nephew is in a new living situation. When my son is excited or anxious, the chatting and questions increase in quantity and speed! Perhaps when things are more settled, he'll ease up a bit. It's great that you and dh have taken him in, and it sounds like he's so happy to be with you!


When Sam goes into "overdrive", as I call it, if I'm not up for it, I'll just say, "I love that you're curious and ask questions, but I'm just not feeling talkative right now. Can we discuss it later?" Or... "That's a great thing for you to look up the answer to!" I try to appreciate that Sam likes to talk, because he's often absorbed in TV or a video game, but I totally understand it can be trying at times.


You'll find the right balance. Try to be pleasant and just respond honestly if you're just not in the mood to chat at the moment.


Hope we'll see you often!

Janet


Jewish Family Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Thu, 11-06-2003 - 4:04pm

Hi Sally, glad to have you here and happy that you jumped right in.


First I have to say that I think it's wonderful that you've taken in your nephew.

Sherrie Rainbow

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Fri, 11-07-2003 - 10:47am

I would imagine he is just nervous/anxious.

Kim

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-13-2003 - 1:09pm
Oh, I can relate to this one. My dd is 11 and is just like your nephew. It drives me up a wall. She also tracks me in the house. IOW, if she is in her room reading a book and she hears me move, she almost always asks what I am doing. If she is not asking questions she might launch into a 30 minute monologue recounting some movie, TV program or something that happened at school.

Now, the question is why, oh why, do they do this. Unfortunately I don't know. Part of it is being bright. So, it does help to keep 'em busy. Investigate over the next few weeks where his interests may lie. Then try to find an outlet for them. Help him find some friends. Make sure he gets plenty of time playing outside and running around.

The other part of if may be an only child problem. They are used to always having a victim. You may try to direct him towards the little one. He can maybe "teach" his cousin something or help his cousin with something. Little kids don't mind being endlessly talked to.

Finally, don't be afraid to say politely, "would you please be quiet now for a little while." It is much better to set your limits in a respectful way than to roll your eyes. I frequently forget this myself in my exasperation, but things really are much better when I remember.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-13-2003 - 1:16pm
Does he accept these corrections? I am intrigued by your methods. When I try the "did I?"/ "Then why did you ask?" routine on dd (as I have a couple of times) she usually becomes completely irate and starts screaming and crying. Ditto for attempts to correct her 'tude, however politely. How does your son react when you do these things and what are the consequences if he loses it or fails to adjust appropriately?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Thu, 11-13-2003 - 4:15pm

Apparently I have a very placid child.

Sherrie Rainbow