Oldes DS doesn't like my BF

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2012
Oldes DS doesn't like my BF
Tue, 07-24-2012 - 5:20pm

Some background on me.  I left my ex-husband just over 3 years ago (he didn't want to work, preferred to go out & party).  I left the family home, he kept the family home (but paid me out my 50%).  We have 50/50 custody.  Boys are with me one week then him the next.  My boyfriend & I (been together 2 1/2 years) bought a home together this past February.

My oldest DS (almost 12) doesn't get along with my BF.  DS thinks his Dad is god eventhough he's done nothing for the boys since we've separated (he's still not working, he doesn't do activities with them, he doesn't make them do homework, I can't enroll the boys in after school activities since the ex won't bring them during 'his time'!).  Yet my BF & I work full-time & do everything with/for the boys.  I monitor DS's Facebook account & saw some disheartening messages. 

DS told his Dad's (now ex) GF in a message that he changed his password so my BF doesn't go on it & look through people's pictures.  DS said the same thing in a message to one of my brothers.  I've already told DS that I monitor his Facebook & my BF doesn't go on the computer!  My ex hates my BF & I think he may be influencing DS.  I don't know what to do!

On the flip side, my youngest DS (7), absolutely loves my BF

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 8:47am
It is quite normal, especially during and after a divorce, to put one parent on a pedestal, when a new person comes into the other parent's life out of loyalty. As sneakyg said, your son doesn't have to like your BF, but he does have to be respectful to him as an adult and authority figure. It is hard, believe me, I have been married 7 years and my oldest is 17 now. Her and my DH have never really gotten along, luckily we don't have the issue of my ex complicating things. I would just be firm with the oldest, but trying to do things as a family may help at least keep things on a nuetral ground so that DS can see that BF is not trying to replace his dad.

Also, IV has a blended families board that is full of ladies that have navigated the issues of divorce and blending families.