Our 13 year old girl
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Our 13 year old girl
| Tue, 07-10-2007 - 7:55pm |
Please pardon the name...I originally posted in the dog training forum looking for advice on that. Here's my new dillema.
My husband and I have 4 girls - twin 18yr olds who just moved out, a 13 yr old and a 10 yr old. Our problem is with the 13 yr old.
Two years ago, we made the mistake of buying each of our kids their own computers for Christmas. Since then we've realized what a bad idea that was. Not so much for the other 3, but it seems to have taken over Heather's life. She would be on it 24/7 if we let her. We do monitor the sites she goes on and so far nothing seems to be innappropriate (sp?) but the problem is that the computer seems to be the only thing she cares about. She doesn't care about her appearance. To get her to shower even once a week is a battle, she doesn't brush her hair unless we tell her over and over again to do so, never brushes her teeth, and wears the same clothes day after day until we tell her she has to change them. As far as friends go, she's got a few girls that she hangs out with at school but could care less whether she sees them any other time. In fact, she has much more fun playing with her little sister and her 10yr old friends. We have taken away Heather's computer on numerous occasions. Sometimes just to try to get her to find another interest and many times to discipline her for something. The next thing we know, she's on her sister's computer. We don't want to take away her sister's computer because that wouldn't be fair to her sister. We tell her all the time that she's not aloud on ours, but we find her on it again and again. There seems to be no other way to discipline this child! We can't take away anything she cares about because the only thing she cares about is her computer. Her room's a complete mess - boardering on a fire hazard - but she just will not clean it. What are we supposed to do???????? We feel like we're at a stand still with her and I've gotten to the point where I'm completely at a loss. I'd make her get a job if I could but there's no way any employer would hire her at her level of maturity. I hope this doesn't make me sound like an uncaring, mean mom. I'm just frazzled and worried that nothing will change and I don't know where to turn for help.
My husband and I have 4 girls - twin 18yr olds who just moved out, a 13 yr old and a 10 yr old. Our problem is with the 13 yr old.
Two years ago, we made the mistake of buying each of our kids their own computers for Christmas. Since then we've realized what a bad idea that was. Not so much for the other 3, but it seems to have taken over Heather's life. She would be on it 24/7 if we let her. We do monitor the sites she goes on and so far nothing seems to be innappropriate (sp?) but the problem is that the computer seems to be the only thing she cares about. She doesn't care about her appearance. To get her to shower even once a week is a battle, she doesn't brush her hair unless we tell her over and over again to do so, never brushes her teeth, and wears the same clothes day after day until we tell her she has to change them. As far as friends go, she's got a few girls that she hangs out with at school but could care less whether she sees them any other time. In fact, she has much more fun playing with her little sister and her 10yr old friends. We have taken away Heather's computer on numerous occasions. Sometimes just to try to get her to find another interest and many times to discipline her for something. The next thing we know, she's on her sister's computer. We don't want to take away her sister's computer because that wouldn't be fair to her sister. We tell her all the time that she's not aloud on ours, but we find her on it again and again. There seems to be no other way to discipline this child! We can't take away anything she cares about because the only thing she cares about is her computer. Her room's a complete mess - boardering on a fire hazard - but she just will not clean it. What are we supposed to do???????? We feel like we're at a stand still with her and I've gotten to the point where I'm completely at a loss. I'd make her get a job if I could but there's no way any employer would hire her at her level of maturity. I hope this doesn't make me sound like an uncaring, mean mom. I'm just frazzled and worried that nothing will change and I don't know where to turn for help.

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Thanks so much again and I'll keep you all posted with the progress.
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