Our 13 year old girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2007
Our 13 year old girl
11
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 7:55pm
Please pardon the name...I originally posted in the dog training forum looking for advice on that. Here's my new dillema.
My husband and I have 4 girls - twin 18yr olds who just moved out, a 13 yr old and a 10 yr old. Our problem is with the 13 yr old.
Two years ago, we made the mistake of buying each of our kids their own computers for Christmas. Since then we've realized what a bad idea that was. Not so much for the other 3, but it seems to have taken over Heather's life. She would be on it 24/7 if we let her. We do monitor the sites she goes on and so far nothing seems to be innappropriate (sp?) but the problem is that the computer seems to be the only thing she cares about. She doesn't care about her appearance. To get her to shower even once a week is a battle, she doesn't brush her hair unless we tell her over and over again to do so, never brushes her teeth, and wears the same clothes day after day until we tell her she has to change them. As far as friends go, she's got a few girls that she hangs out with at school but could care less whether she sees them any other time. In fact, she has much more fun playing with her little sister and her 10yr old friends. We have taken away Heather's computer on numerous occasions. Sometimes just to try to get her to find another interest and many times to discipline her for something. The next thing we know, she's on her sister's computer. We don't want to take away her sister's computer because that wouldn't be fair to her sister. We tell her all the time that she's not aloud on ours, but we find her on it again and again. There seems to be no other way to discipline this child! We can't take away anything she cares about because the only thing she cares about is her computer. Her room's a complete mess - boardering on a fire hazard - but she just will not clean it. What are we supposed to do???????? We feel like we're at a stand still with her and I've gotten to the point where I'm completely at a loss. I'd make her get a job if I could but there's no way any employer would hire her at her level of maturity. I hope this doesn't make me sound like an uncaring, mean mom. I'm just frazzled and worried that nothing will change and I don't know where to turn for help.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2007
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 12:50pm
Thanks Stacy. I like your way of thinking. All of you have managed to take me from feeling week and helpless to feeling strong and ready to face it head on. The first thing I will do today is go through her room from top to bottom - everything you mentioned. I've been wanting to do that for a long time but didn't want to cross that line between being a strong parent in control and invading her privacy. I now know the former is much more important. The room will be cleaned out, the computers will all become password protected, and new rules that you've all suggested will take effect - not just for Heather but for her sister as well.
Thanks so much again and I'll keep you all posted with the progress.

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