QOTW: Do Parents Have The Right To Spy?
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QOTW: Do Parents Have The Right To Spy?
| Mon, 05-12-2008 - 8:01am |
(idea borrowed from the Parenting Debate Board)
QOTW:
| Mon, 05-12-2008 - 8:01am |
(idea borrowed from the Parenting Debate Board)
QOTW:
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I think parents have an obligation (legal in many cases) to keep their kids safe from harm. You wouldn't put them in a car without a seatbelt but we let them have free reign on the internet and other dangers under the guise of "privacy". Really, does a 13 year old have the experience and wisdom to judge when someone is leading them down the wrong path? Not likely. Many adults don't. Its my job to make sure she's not getting in over her head, however its not my job to monitor every little move. I think reading diaries unless you have reason to suspect something is over the top. I think the internet is different. I tell my DD that nothing is private on the internet. The person you are talking with can copy your conversation and print it out and post it for the whole world to see. Hackers can get in and read your stuff and take over your account. If you want to say something private and keep it secret it better be done face-to-face or in a diary.
I don't make a habit of reading every single MSN conversation she's had or every e-mail she gets, but I check sporatically to make sure things are going okay and so far I've only found one thing that concerned me. I knew her and a friend were blowing off steam about a girl who had upset them, but I explained to them both that if someone printed out that message or got ahold of it they could be in very very big trouble. They just don't think about stuff like that. They think its like talking to each other, but its not, its captured forever in the ether of the internet so you have to cover your butt. Hopefully they'll think twice about saying those kind of things on-line again, that's my job as a parent to teach her what the consequences of her actions could be, if I didn't see it (it was open on the computer, I didn't even have to snoop for it) then what is their incentive to not do it again if they don't see the risk?
So I think parents are obliged to "snoop" once in awhile. To make sure kids are safe. Now I also think that a 13 year old requires more "spying" than a 17 year old. I think as they get older and you have more confidence in their ability to make good safe decisions you back off. But you also keep an eye open for problems and step in where needed. Yes, they'll be furious at you if you read their e-mails and found out they were having unsafe sex or using drugs, but I figure I'd rather she be furious at me than planning the baby shower or funeral service.
Laura mom to Gabrielle
Ramona Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!
I believe that parents have a right to do whatever they want, but that the question is do they need to and what message do they want to give to their kids?
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Hannah won't have privacy for a long time. She's a kid. Kids can make stupid mistakes. I tell her I'm reading her emails, checking her text messages, checking her backpack, etc.
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