QOTW: Friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
QOTW: Friends
19
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 8:03am

(Thank you to the board member who submitted this as a topic idea)
QOTW:


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 9:23am

Hello Karin,

I don't think they should stay up all night like Hannah did when she went on a sleepover last year. She stayed up all night long and was a basket case the next day. :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 9:27am

I honestly think it depends on the kid.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 9:39am

QOTW:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 10:29am
The problem I have with staying up all night is it throws her off her schedule. If she's up until 3:00 and then sleeps until noon the next day, she won't go to bed Sunday night because she's not tired at 9:30 and then she has trouble getting up Monday morning for school and she crabby and not doing well at school because she's over tired. My child can NOT just have one day with 3 hours sleep and then get back in the routine. It completely throws her off for a week. I HAVE to get her up by 9:00 on Sundays or the whole week is shot. But maybe that's just my kid. Also, I don't want to have to deal with a bitchy kid the day after. If they are together for 3:00 - midnight awake, that is plenty of time to talk and play and do whatever they want. They don't need to stay up half the night as well. Yes, I'm old and crusty. LOL

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 11:17am

I guess I have those same concerns and was just wondering if there were other reasons people didn't let their kids stay up late. My view is it is just one night and even as grumpy as they get, I can put up with it for one day. My son especially LOVES to stay up really late when he has friends over and has lots of fun. I guess I'm willing to take the chance that he will be grumpy. I suppose I should be concerned about the friends he has over--what their parents think, but nobody has ever said anything to me. (my definition of late is like 2:00am--he has stayed up longer, but not usually.)

Karin

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 11:32am

Well, I just posted my concerns about dd's "friends." We live in a small town and she's grown up with these girls since preschool (age 3 or 4). The more I see how they're turning out, the less I like! She's going to a private school in a nearby town next year. I'm praying she'll find some friends there who are better peer role models.

I don't know many people who stay friends into adulthood with the kids they ran around with in school. Personally, I moved around a lot growing up. I have one friend from high school and wouldn't have a clue what happened to kids from before that!

Our house has been under major construction for over a year now, so she's only been able to have a friend over about twice in the last 18 months. We keep pretty busy with weekend activities, too, so not much chance for sleepovers.

DD goes to sleepovers in group situations. She's never been too high on just sleeping over at a friend's house unless there are lots of girls. I think she feels uncomfortable with other people's families when she's the only one there. KWIM?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 1:38pm
I am with ya on that Karin!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2005
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 3:40pm

How about friends: how many close friends does your 10-14 have?
Kelley-She has only one really good friend who she calls her best friend. They have been friends for 3 years now. Other than that, she tends to get along with anyone and has lots of casual friends.

John-He has 2-3 friends that he spends 99% of his time with. They are all neighborhood boys and also go to school with him. Other than that, he is pretty shy and doesn't socialize as well as his sis does.

How do they spend their time?
Kelley-when she is hanging out with her BFF, they go to the bookstore and look for new books to read as they both LOVE reading. They watch scary movies and play board or card games. Not much TV watching except the movies and that is usually when they are settling down.

John-He and his friends are big on playing outside. We have an open space desert area where they have a clubhouse and are usually out there playing around. They do play video games, but usually just if its to yucky outside.

What sort of rules do you have when they have friends over (limits on TV/gaming, door open or closed, do they need to check in with you before they do stuff)?
Honestly, both my kids are pretty good at monitoring TV and games so I really do not have limits on that. And if their friends are over and they want privacy from their sibling, I don't mind the door being closed. The only rule I really have is, when you leave the house let me know where you are going and clean up your own messes.

What sort of things does your 10-14 yr old do when friends are around and how does it differ from their usual activities?
Kelley-She can be a couch potato if she has no one to play with, she will play video games to more when no friends are around.

John-He hates when his friends can't play, and complains pretty good about it. He will play video games more and watch TV more when his friends are not around.

Do you like their friends?
So far no friends that I don't like, but we will see now that Kelley is in Middle school.

Do you think they will keep these friends into adulthood?
I don't know, hard to say. Maybe but most of the time this friends you keep through adulthood are from highschool.

How do you feel about sleepovers?
Sleepovers are a childhood right I think. I used to love them and so do my kids.

How often do you allow your 10-14 year old to have people sleep over?
I will allow them to have a sleepover anytime they want as long as their is no school or soccer games the next day. My house is usually crawling with kids, and I really don't mind because then at least I know where my kids are and what they are doing.

What rules do you have? No rough housing in the house, clean up your own messes and keep it down after 11pm.

Do they have to go to bed at a certain time?
No, they don't. That was my favorite part of sleepovers when I was younger.

What about sleeping over at other places---how often do you allow this to happen and what rules do you have there?
My kids are allowed to sleep over when they are invited. BUt most of the time they just like having kids over. Which is fine with me as I stated above.

Do you have to speak to the parents first?
Yes, because you know kids...they like to make plans without checking first!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 6:57pm

DD: 3 very close best friends.

DS: 4 very close best friends, and 3 or 4 other boys that are very good friends that are within the same circle of friends.

I like their friends.

Both of my twins have sleepovers at our hours about every 6 weeks or so, and attend sleepovers about that often at their friends homes. My son actually seems to have/attend sleepovers more often than his sister...he has a larger group of close friends who have as well as attend sleepovers. I don’t speak to all the parents when there is a sleep over, sometimes the kids work it out themselves (and other times the parents want to be directly involved in confirming, and that’s ok with me. I’m flexible :)).

My daughter has one girlfriend that is very allergic to cats (we have a cat), and she doesn’t sleepover at our house, but will come over and leave in the evening around 9:30 PM). She gave it a try a couple of times but became pretty sick.

I don’t have separate rules for when my kids are home w/o friends over vs when they have friends over. Same rules apply. They usually do pretty much the same activities when friends are over that they do when friends aren’t over (listen to music, tv, watch movies, play electronic games, dance revolution, etc). When they have a sleepover, they can go to sleep whenever they want :).

Lynn

 

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